END 2015 musing

Probably the last post of 2015 - hard to type with 1-2 fingers despite being a lefty.

It had been a wild and scary 4 days from Christmas..I was pretty excited going for my first Rapha Festive500 ride and also meeting E once again. Things happened so quickly that the next moment I was in TTSH and now, I'm out. To be honest, it was really a 3 painful days that seemed rather surreal, till now, I can't really recall the moments in the hospital and also during the crash. Surprisingly, I don't recall any pain, shouts or screams - would that be what happen when one dies? I think I just blacked out. But I really thank God for His Angels that had protected me, that my life was preserved.

The things that happened after, the visits from my beloved friends and even E, was hard to recall. I could only capture some words said to me. But as much as I'm thankful, I'm rather scared what the future holds. Looks-wise, would I still be fit? What about further violent objections from the parents? :((( Dad may be ok but Mum is a definite no-no.

Really want to thank all the visits and get well gifts from the Running Dept Crew-Terry, Nic, Roy, Steven, Ruimei,Tracy,Eve; Declan, Lance, Jiahui, Eugene, Jem, Ken; CA team aunties-Hanniebun, , Jasmine, Candice, Mel, Ivy Wee and Liu, ChuHua, Gillian, Renee, Patrick, May and family; RWG people-Debbie and Jack, Coach Ghana, Jerome, Kevin, Jiarui, Uncle Lim; church friends, Marianne, Aunty Lee Luang, CG friends; Rui Yong, Sweehong, Adriel, Chloe, Yenbin, NUS Aquathlon people (Joshie, JJ, Pam, Sher, YW, Naz, Debs)..and not forgetting E.. Love you guys even though I can't recall much.

Next year 2016 would be a tough one for me..really want to continue to pray for strength.. :((

Relationships: Coincidence or God's Plan?

This year, as I included in my previous blog post, was an emotional roller coaster for me, more so than any other years. I'm not sure if it's good for my sanity but things do knock on your door when you least expect it. And in a whift, it might just disappear..

I'm pissed with myself, as I am writing this. For being impatient, for being too inquisitive for my own good. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and said all the things I shouldn't have. But I think it might be too late now :(

A couple of weeks back, I met this guy who was too-good-to-be-true. I can still pinch myself now and ask, is this only a dream? If so, I hope I will never wake up of it. But now, I may have shattered that beautiful memory. Really praying hard to God to restore it.

I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate feeling uncertain about my future. While I know, and have faith that God uses vulnerability and uncertainty in His Will to do things, I still can't help but feel lost, that I'm not in control of things. 

We met on an unplanned bike ride. In fact, I went for that ride for another reason, which I shall not really mentioned. This guy was really sweet (and definitely cute) as he chatted and pulled me along parts where I got dropped. I thought he was pretty special, unlike most Singaporean guys, he was direct. And then, my itchy fingers added him on FB. I thought it was much more than a coincidence - it was God's plan.

We started talking, and he asked me out. I found out he was an excellent conversationist, someone who can talk about anything under the sun. His ideas challenged me to think harder, his actions challenged me to change myself. I've never met someone who could actually influence me like this. Because of him, I got to sit down at random areas, to just talk, admire the scenery, and watch people go by. Something I would never do, on my own free time because time is too precious. But this guy actually stopped the world for me,

Three dates had passed so far. I made the fatal mistake of asking him about his commitment level even though I know, both of us did, that things were progressing a bit too fast. But this was something I didn't want to let go because I know I will regret. But well, either way would have backfired. And I'm just sitting here, feeling like a mess.

Lord, please give me strong faith.

Year-end Thoughts 2015

A quarter of a century old, interestingly this year has been one of the most memorable one as well. Perhaps not as exciting as my university days but definitely a special year for me. I'll just try to list down as many things I am thankful to God for blessing me at the top of my head that occurred in 2015.

1. Countless of overseas trips - burnt quite a large hole in my pocket but it's the experience that counts.
-Dubai (3 times), Sydney, Hong Kong, Koh Samui, Malaysia

2. Plenty of new guys/friends - I do enjoy getting to know people a lot better

3. Two pacing opportunities - Great Eastern Women's Run 21K and a part of the StanChart Marathon 15K which ended today

4. My longest races - 14K City2Surf, Port Dickson Duathlon (10-60-8), Dubai International Triathlon

5. Supportive friends and coaches who provide countless of encouragement and help - as small as Coach Ghana sending me to AMK to pick up my bike, David coming over to my house to help pack my stuff...etc.