On expectations - when reality sinks in

Was initially pretty excited about today since the start of the week but somehow it felt like a disappointment at the end of the day..that's when expectations had been beyond what actually occurred. Work was, as usual, tough and I was looking for something to cheer me up at the end of the week but so far, it was pretty much a letdown.

I made the decision to join the Specialised team led by the Mavericks for a short ride in the west. Thought that it might be a fast and interesting ride, and hoping to get to know people but unlike Rapha rides where the guys (and some of the girls) are friendly and genuine. I guess Specialised is more commercialised and catered to the large masses so the riders who go are also very much different in riding levels and ability to converse. Don't know whether it was indeed a good choice to skip riding with the guys and go for this ride. Even though I managed about 70+ km in total, it was a little disappointing.

After that I went for SG Coffee Festival with N. Was also pretty excited, both by the coffee event and since this was the first time out with him, I did wonder how it would be like given that it was going out with another RCC guy who was my sister's age. Honestly, the impression I had of N was pretty good and being an ex-barista had its qualities. It was strange that I started comparing him to E. While I shouldn't have told him about E, I was comparing him quite a bit.

I'm pretty much attracted to good conversationalists and people with strong principles. Both E and N were exceptional although they had differing views on what made a good conversation and it was interesting to know. Both were guys of strong principles but whether they stuck to it, was another story. Both were interestingly knowledgeable but in their own ways. Both were younger than me but they had different maturity levels. But one was interested in settling, the other wasn't.

However, I found myself still quite attracted. Unfortunately, I think the impression I got from him was no, he wasn't interested and sad to say, he was after all pretty young and not as gentlemanly. Oh wells, at least it wasn't too deep unlike my previous 2.

I think I really need a change of environment to distract myself.

Tastes changes, so do guys...

It's only the start of April of 2016 and there's so many relationship issues?

Seriously, I need to learn how to actually stop falling for the wrong guys. It seems like over the years, my tastes have been changing and each time, the standards get higher and on hindsight, sometimes I wonder, why did I even liked that guy? I guess university and work does open boundaries - I used to think that the age range shouldn't be too far but I'm getting more liberal with my choices. But by doing so, it allows for more vulnerabilities. I'm not so sure why did my taste changed so drastically this time round but it's getting dangerous; and I'm becoming a little more like Rach, with the exception of a criteria of doing sports a bit more competitively.

He's in all ways eligible (at least that's what I choose to assume) but the caveat is that this guy's married (or that's what his records say but he didn't mention) and the age gap is pretty huge (think Jay Chou and wife). Stability and pretty good-looking are the key points. He claimed to attend church too.

This guy is pretty close to breaking my heart but I'm really gonna need all willpower to avoid him. Really don't know why he chose to be so nice to me but now it seems like he's also pretty chummy with HP. So I'm guessing he might be a player.

SO NO. I'm not sure why God throws all these people into my life to tease my heart but if only He could harden my heart a little, it would help. ALOT.

----------------------------------------ON HINDSIGHT--------------------------------------------------------

And so, I did consult people.. turns out that i got played out again...

I never seem to learn from this - trusting the wrong people, especially when you feel that the person's safe to trust because he claimed to be Christian (ugh..twice happened) and because he's so nice (at least for some period) - one indicated interest, one showed interest..

On dealing with broken hearts, God's Will and perhaps, learning more patience

Yet another long weekend for me which began on Thursday because I had to clear some leave and once again, some unexpected feelings crept up. Oddly, I was disappointed when I thought I was looking forward to Wednesday and Friday, and when I least expect, I was rather pleasantly surprised on a supposed normal me-alone Thursday. There's still quite a packed Saturday and Sunday and I really am trying to learn not to expect anything so I can avoid feeling more disappointed.

Once again, A did tell me he was coming on Wednesday, probably to walk but in the end, he told me he had something on and wasn't able to make it - a little disappointed but at least I got Michael to pace me and 15k was in the bag.

Thursday started off as a day full of appointments but it ended on a pretty good note. Was talking to A in the morning and found out he was on leave too and couldn't say no to lunch (at least I didn't have to hang around with the parents after the lawyer's appointment). Good thing he picked me up at Potong Pasir (although I was surprised he got there so quickly) cos it was terribly humid and I was in desperate need of aircon. To satisfy his craving of prawn mee, I really can't believe he brought me to the Naked Finn at Gillman Barracks! Yes, the prawn mee was rather pricey at $25++ but the seafood there was reputed to be fresh (didn't try the prawns but the fish was really tender). I'm not too huge a fan of hawker/Chinese food but this sort of fusion food did change my preconceptions. Not too bad a choice although the place is rather inaccessible without a car. Thereafter, we went over to Novena and hung around till my speech therapy appointment. Afterwhich, I went for an eyelash touchup and Nike 9k run. I was also mildly surprised I received some lovely matcha chocs from Seoul :)

Friday was (is) Good Friday. Rode with the NUS guys, Sara and Vern and did a 85km West Loop. Feels good to be back on the bike and trying to catch the guys' draft. I must say my bike fitness dropped quite a lot although on flats it was ok but climbing was tough. Hope it gets better soon. Went for Wesley's Good Friday Service - really miss the P&P Service and I regret not going earlier cos there was no seats and we got bumped to the Traditional Service. Well, but at least I made it for a Wesley Service! After service, Debs, myself met up with Naz, Sher and Yew Wee for lunch/catch-up at Haji Lane called "I am" - a halal hipster cafe. Food looked good and pricing was not too bad; just that it was non-airconditioned and the food felt a bit too oily for my liking. Perhaps I still prefer brunch cafes.Well, all went pretty ok until David came and the guys started talking about his girlfriend. It kinda hit me hard; although I was trying to brace myself based on Sher's updates last week on it. I guess, as much as I was happy to see David after some time, learning this was quite damaging to the rest of my day. Speaking of which, I did realise the type of guys I fancied was pretty similar so far, perhaps with the exception of A, that I'll be elaborating later as the thought is unconventional, even as I think about it. It's ok - I just have to harden my heart - AGAIN, and perhaps it won't break; or at least, not as hard.

On the way back, many thoughts ran through my head; hopefully I can actually categorise them well.

1. They said, names have special meanings. Of my 26 years of existence, people often tell me, in Hebrew, Sarah means "princess" and of course, as a kid, it did feel pretty special but now, this thought - why did my parents name me Sarah (or if God was the one that planted it)? Am I stuck to God's plan of making me patient by waiting? After all, in the Bible, Sarah waited 35 (i think) years for a child. This made me feel helpless and somehow I feel troubled by this. God's plan - what is it?

2. The types of guys I dated/fancied changed quite a bit but somehow can be grouped into 2 categories:
-Soccer players
-Cyclists (vs triathletes)

3. The curiosity of A's personal life really bothers me a lot. While I know I shouldn't even be thinking about A AT ALL, I need some distractions from other issues, and this odd relationship between us seem to offer A LOT of reprieve cos it certainly doesn't seem very platonic.

Will elaborate on it again sometime soon.

My 101th post and on one of the better weekends in 2016 (finally..)

Honestly, I was more excited about this (long) weekend than the one which I went to Bangkok for and it did seemed that it was pretty much packed with activities that time really flies.

After a pretty good RD run, which I did feel a little disappointed that A didn't turn up cos he was heading to Seoul, I headed home for some much needed sleep. The long weekend started for me!

Began Thursday with going for my appointments and did my dynamic bike fit at Loue with Shuwie for $450, my highest investment yet.Took about 4h but it was pretty good, I must say...Started Friday with an easy ride and swim and another day of appointments. Friday night, Debs and I went for CLEO Bachelors' Party at ZOUK, which I was a little more excited for. Besides the pretty cool goody bag, I was there to support Malcom, whom I met at another fringe event. This year's party was a little disappointing though cos they were playing so many games and there wasn't much introduction on the bachelors, such that there wasn't much of an impression made on the audience. The games were cute though - thank goodness Malcom played some biting on the pocky stick game, which wasn't too embarrassing or tough on him. It'd be cool to stay for some clubbing which I haven't done in ages but I had to run a race the next day..Although we didn't have much time to talk, it was nice to see him.

To cut the long story short, I was first for Women Open (21:08) for the CEO run but somehow the impact didn't seem to be there. Glad that my legs felt ok after cycling down so it was more of a brick session. Thereafter, we went down to Killney's Real Food to celebrate Coach David's birthday. It was a nice and cosy gathering and the food was not bad. It has been quite a while since I've talked to the rest of the team and it felt nice to talk to Jon, Pete, Barbs and the rest..Went to Mandarin Gallery in search of coffee and a cafe to read because it was hard to find an empty one! Guess I'd have to do more research before heading out. Coincidentally, I bumped into Philip, whom I've never met since uni! Well, he was supposed to kill some time by reading but he decided to ask me for coffee and we ended up at Jones the Grocer. Despite that, there was so much to talk about and there was simply no need to break the ice. In that 2h I think I learnt so much more about him than in the time he was in cross coutnry! From his job, to wing chun, to what was happening, to Chicago, I do enjoy such impromptu meet-ups and it'd be nice if this could happen more often - just randomly meeting people and having meaningful conversations with them; I do really really miss that, especially with E.

Speaking of E, yes, I met him on the ride today. Was expecting it but didn't really know quite how to react to the situation. He made the first move (as usual) when he saw me at Lower Pierce although I was riding behind him most of the time. Had really mixed feelings but it did seem like to him, nothing much happened :( My first official ride on the bike went pretty well and the route was...interesting. We rode into Bukit Brown first and boy, having no headlight sucks :/  Then the route led us to Mt Pleasant, Lower and Upper Pierce. It was fun to get to know the other RCC boys and other ladies on the ride. If only this was a Saturday, then I wouldn't have to rush for church..

Oh, was happy for A cos he texted me on his marathon time=3:14! Although it wasn't a qualified time, it was pretty good. Hope he isn't too disappointed though and he'll be back tomorrow.

After church, met Sher for tea and time passed so fast! It was great catching up with her :)

Overall, I guess I couldn't ask more for this weekend. Now, back to how to deal with the E issue..

On racing, disappointments and perhaps, getting stronger

I ran my first race of 2016 today - Venus Run, a 5km race - with a nett timing of 23:10.

Wasn't the best shot ever and was feeling pretty much hesitant about running because I felt unprepared and I successfully managed to fall ill the night before (probably due to the heat). Moreover, word from the organisers mentioned that they will be combining all teams of 4 into one category due to the lack of numbers and I was pretty afraid of competing with F1 or Shufflers. We didn't send in a strong team this year because Rachel was out and I was down but I was glad for Debs, Kristal and Michelle, who were positive and kept my spirits up.

Been talking to A more often nowadays and he mentioned that he'll be down to support but little did I expect him to go down to run with me! Really thankful for him helping me keep pace though I was lagging behind a bit. Sounds wrong but recently, I've been so thankful for him as a distraction to all my worries and issues. Honestly, it sounds even more wrong when A mentioned he attended church too :O So yes, we won 3rd for team category (yays!), at least still top 3 even though I was a little disappointment we dropped from 1st placing last year. But yea, I'm thankful.

After that, Debs and I went to watch the OCBC road cycling at Seletar. She went to support Dane and I was there to support David, Dwayne and Shuwie. Was a bit worried that I'll bump into E but thankfully no. Well, the race was exciting with crashes and sprint-offs but was quite disappointed that David didn't manage to hang onto the pack at the last 1.5 loops. Road racing seems scary though. I thought I saw E with the rest of the guys but it turned out he was likely in the sportive category and that he crashed out on the 3rd lap.

Momentarily I felt sorry for him but I guess after reading his post, maybe not so after all. Well, his girl went down to support him so perhaps, that was all that he needed...I really still can't let go of the whole issue at all..

Am I disappointed with what happened today? Yes..Am i perhaps getting stronger? Maybe.

Of relationships that never go your way...

I thought I won't be catching any movies onboard my SIN-BKK-SIN trip but in the end "The Third Way of Love 제3의 사랑 " starring Liu Yi Fei and (the super charismatic) Song Seung Heon caught my attention. Although I didn't manage to finish the movie, I'll be sure to try to complete it, as much as there are warnings that the ending would be really sad. It does seem like this movie is shot by some acclaimed director, John H. Lee.

Somehow, I do tend to relate dramas, especially when it involves romance and relationships and that's why I do like watching them when I hardly even watch movies. What's more interesting is that these two are a couple in real life, despite their 11-year age difference, Liu Yifei is 28 while Song Seung Heon is 39 - which brings me to the next topic to muse.

How would it feels like to date someone 10 years plus older than you? Or even to have some feelings? This excludes celebrity crushes on older guys like Song Seung Heon, Gong Yoo, Lee Byung Hun (which I rarely favour but these are the hotter ones).

I've never dwelled or thought about this topic before because most of the time, I'm meeting people around my age, with 2-4 years age gaps and I don't really find older guys too charming. But recently, I surprised myself by having such a thought. Perhaps after having met so many guys and having quite a few bad experiences, it does indeed fulfill some of the criteria which I do (and rather most women in general) look for in a guy, I believe. Charisma, stability, confidence, goal-oriented, well-connected, maturity, sensitivity - qualities that only time and experience would mould (then again, there are exceptions). However, there are qualities they would lack as they lose their boyishness, recklessness and perhaps fun-loving nature but this shouldn't be generalised. Over the past year, I've met guys who are younger but have the maturity of an older gentleman, and older guys who still retain their boyishness.

Perhaps I'm rather tired of the uncertainties of life, as fun they might be, and am feeling rather old, but having someone mature who is certain and confidence of his direction does give me a sense of stability in this evolving world. Perhaps I like consistency in my life - it makes things a lot easier in this complicated world. Perhaps that was what had drawn me to E in the first place, even though looks, height and abilities do play a part.

In the process of recovering and moving on, I've plunged headfirst into unchartered territories, which can be rather scary and comforting at the same time. I'm able to pinpoint qualities that I prioritise but it's scary that it seems like all these qualities are derived from the wrong person. I guess maybe it's too early to pen these thoughts down, since I'm still thinking hard about it but I hope nothing really bad happens when I touch the forbidden fruit.

Really like this song :)

 

Past the Quarter

Birthdays...You either hate them or you love them..

I've never liked birthdays although I do appreciate that some of my friends do make some birthdays memorable for me, like the one last year and at SPRUCE with the NUS Aquathlon people.

In 2 days, it would be my 26th birthday. And yes, I've passed the quarter and I really feel soooo old :(

And yes, none of the life goals had been met.

2015 was turning out pretty fine until the end of the year which was rather bittersweet. A part of me was hoping there could be some form of selective amnesia to forget E totally, yet the memories did seemed one of most memorable ever. People I've told about this did seem pretty disgusted at the total douchebag attitude E had and told me to let it go, but it's so hard. And it's worse when your mind conjures things in the future with him, especially after talking it over. As much as I think I'll burst into tears if I met up with him, it feels there isn't a proper closure to this issue without talking it over. I think the only way to let go would be to find someone else to be loved by and to love. Because only love can overcome all fears, hate and anxieties.

If only I can reverse time..maybe all the way back to selecting a junior college - I really wished I chose ACJC instead of TJC; perhaps I could have fit in better there and then also have better like-minded friends. Perhaps my life would have been totally different now. But there's no such thing as a time machine. 

Back to being 26 and single again...

Waiting - Part of God's Plan?

Debs recommended me this article:
 http://www.jonathanngan.com/thoughts/2016/2/1/why-does-god-make-us-wait

Which was pretty good I must say..

Waiting - something the impatient me truly dread. Two ways to see it, life's too short to wait for something but patience can be a virtue (Love is patient, love is kind...). I can't stand slowness, the gaps in time that I have to fill alone but by taking your time, it allows one to appreciate the smaller things in life that people who rush a lot tend to miss out on. Being the extrovert, I also fear being lonely, having to do things alone tend to have a stigma and it's so much better to share your feelings with someone else - perhaps that's the reason why I blog and write, it's so hard to keep things to yourself.

Throughout this 6.5 weeks, there had been a lot of waiting, some of which I'm still waiting for. Waiting for the doctor's diagnosis and prognosis, waiting for the healing, waiting to be given the green lights to run/swim/bike, waiting for E's texts, waiting for my life to go back to normal - and the usual day-to-day stuff like waiting for the bus, waiting for friends...etc. Well, some pointers after reading and reflecting:

1.Waiting builds your reliance on God.

I guess it's pretty true; I've been crying out to God, praying to Him, talking to Him, so much more these days and to my horror, it had declined since I've gone back to work and training. But still, the need to pray and talk to God still seems so much more important these days. Does that build a better relationship with Him? I do hope so.

2. Trust God - God's delay does not necessarily mean denial

This can only be revealed on hindsight because till now, there are a lot of things that I'm still waiting for and thinking about. I would really need to learn to "enjoy this process" - as the article mention. I do pray that everything goes well in His time.

3. How do we make of it when things may not turn out as we expect?

God would not withhold things from us but things we think are good may not necessarily be good - so once again, on hindsight then we would know what works.

So, yesterday, for the first time in my life, I went to a cafe on my own - Coast & Company at Siglap. I must say it is pretty quiet and it's a place to just sit down and read without people chasing you off. What more, it was a bike-themed cafe! I had planned to read my travel guides but ended up reading this magazine about cycling and travelling called "Far Ride" which kind of allowed me to realise that cycling, photography, travelling and design came all together. Also, a thought of working at a cafe would be pretty interesting, especially if I plan to take no-pay leave ;) Well, for future consideration. That afternoon, I did think quite a lot about E and I guess, understood him a lot better in the aspect of his dreams and cycling. I believe it is a rather unique thought that I doubt many Singaporean guys would have (besides him and Chris) but it is a rather lovely dream, I must say. It had also allowed me to respect pure cyclists a lot more, as they actually do respect their bikes a lot more than triathletes - the workmanship of the bike, more than the parts that make it go fast; as well as the beauty of cycling, rather than just the thrill of competing. Of course, both would come hand-in-hand but it's like appreciating knowledge for the process of gaining it and the beauty of information itself, more than the usage of the knowledge gained.

Perhaps I should do this again.

And yes, time does heals (I hope).

Lang Leav, Raw Emotions, True words...

I've never encountered such a writer as Lang Leav. Her words, although rather simple, seem to reflect all my raw inner thoughts so accurately. She is one who writes about love and relationships, most of , the time rather sad feelings, mirrors my current emotional state.

"I loved how his eyes danced merrily,
and the gentle way he spoke;
the way he filled my aimless days,
with bitterness and hope.

I loved him as I fell to sleep,
and each morning as I woke;
I loved him with all my wayward heart - until the day it broke"

I really loved "Talk again" as well.

Somehow, it is true that emotions bring out the best in our writings. When emotions flood in, the tears roll, words seem to flow more easily although your heart might be too distraught for your mind to pen the words systematically down. But recently, I've been penning down so much of my thoughts because it's pretty tiring to keep it all in my mind (and also because I'm less active now due to my injury).

It was pretty much "love at first sight" - although I'm a non-believer of that because it was always one-sided. This was the first time there was a mutual attraction and I do miss that attention. I've never met such a cute scientist, thought that it only exists in reel life.

I do miss seeing E, hearing about his passion and talking together about his dreams. It was not only about sports or work, which I do hear most of the time, it was both. I've never heard of a person so bold to pursue not normal goals, but great dreams, and actually meticulously having plans for them. I've never met someone who truly appreciates knowledge and conversations, being one of great knowledge and a good conversationalist himself, yet allows me to feel comfortable in silence. I'll never really look at someone else in the same light.

What happened to all the 보고 싶어요?

나는, 너무 보고 싶어요 ... :(

5 Weeks Post-accident Updates

As the heading reads, it has been 5 weeks after I got hit and broke my clavicle. Has things changed?

Yes and no.

Yes in the way E treats me and somewhat gives me the impression that there would be bad news (unfortunately more cold, and friendzoned) and no, we are not meeting still. You might have thought you won't hurt me, but I think you did, A LOT and I can't seem to move on.

Yes in how my condition seems better and I can run (thank God I don't hurt anymore when I move) and no, the bone hasn't rejoined.

Yes in how I'm back at work and people are more used to me and no, I'm still pretty inefficient doing cases.

Yes in how I'm happy to feel slightly closer to God and doing more devotions now and no, I'm still hoping to look for a church that I feel at home in.

Yes in what I learnt about the body mechanics through reading and talking to friends such as how fractures heal, what is a pneumothorax, speech therapy and vocal cords.

Just a tip for those who injured their collarbone (mine was a comminuted fracture, which is a break into many pieces), I definitely feel a surgery would be better but unfortunately wasn't given that option. Also, exercises you can do (only) would be walking, climbing stairs (least movement to shoulder) and stationary cycling.

Well, as much as the doctor gave some good news, there was a double whammy when my ex-crush and good friend told me he's attached. Somehow this hurts more and I'm really not looking forward to this year at all :(

Oh by the way, I saw this blog about broken collarbone, would need it for future reference:
http://www.hanskellner.com/2006/04/24/chads-broken-collar-bone-report/

Korean Dramas: Reel Life and Real Life

E. recommended me to watch "Marriage, without dating" (연애 말고 결혼) when I got bored and recently, I completed another short drama series "Noble My Love" (고결한 그대). Interestingly, I enjoyed both series very much and both have similar plots - basically a marriage contract signed so that the male protagonists, who are from influential families, don't have to go on blind dates and get married at their mother's whims. While "Marriage without dating" is longer (50min for 20 episodes) and more side stories, "Noble my Love" is probably a webcast and solely fixed on the couple (15min for 20 episodes). I believe that many Korean dramas also have this storyline but surprisingly, I don't seem to tire, probably because of the actors ;)

In both dramas, Cha Yoon Seo (Kim Jae Kyung) and Joo Jang Mi (Han Groo) are female heroines - one plays a vet, another plays a salesgirl from less well-to-do families, whose bubbly personalities attracted the rich and successful bachelors who aren't interested in marriage, Lee Kang Hoon (Sung Hoon) who is a CEO and Gong Gi Tae (Yeon Woojin), a plastic surgeon. Also, both ladies actually managed to save the guy in one of the scenes - Yoon Seo stitched Kang Hoon's wound when he was kidnapped and stabbed, while Jang Mi rescued Gi Tae when he was locked in his toilet (a little less glam). Both has the marriage contract in place where the guy later falls in love with the girl and evil mothers objecting to the marriage, although " Marriage" has it worse because the drama is longer. Well, be glad to know that both ended on a happy note :)

I must say that both dramas also have not one, but TWO cute actors fighting over the girl. How lucky is that. "Marriage" has Han Yeo-reum (Jin Woon from 2AM) also chasing Jangmi while "Noble" has Sang Hyun (Park Eun Suk) chasing Yoon Seo. I do prefer Kang Hoon's demeanor (and the formal suits-style) although Gi Tae's antics and colour shirts are kinda cute. Some eye candies here:

Interestingly, these are dramas I enjoy most - happy endings that are really sweet - and I believe, most Koreans do too, given the dramas' popularity and how scriptwriters are re-using such storylines so often. Sociologically speaking, perhaps these are storylines that invoke the imaginary hopes/dreams/fairy tale-like wishes in many people. And it probably does also reflect the beliefs/cultures of the Korean society, that moms want the best for their sons but very often this does backfire. True love also triumphs over all evil moms - more so or less, the guy is still the successful one who calls the shots. Real life probably isn't like that so maybe that's why people are still suckers for fairy tale like endings.

How nice if real life can resemble a Korean drama :)
보고싶어요 :/

A month post-accident...

Yes, I'm writing again. Somehow, emotions seem to be the biggest push factor to make me want to write. And somehow, I have not many other avenues to air these emotions, or maybe it isn't the same to air it to people who may seem as clueless as you, or paint an alternative picture which you don't really fancy.

It has been almost a month (minus 3 days) since the accident and I still feel things aren't back, or even nearing normal; even though people do tell me I look perfectly normal. Still can't do much activity, still can't run/swim/bike, still can't work properly without getting tired, still feeling bloated and fat, still feeling frustrated, still feeling left out and lonely. I really do hope I don't get any depression anytime soon :(

Things have been pretty aimless and there's nothing much to look forward to - which I realised is a huge push factor to make me more efficient to do things in life. I don't survive well alone, maybe it's alright for solo trips overseas, but definitely I need people around me.

Not too sure how is the collarbone healing - there's still a gap but it's not as painful, although I do get tired easily. Looking forward to physio next week to at least give me the go-ahead to do something more active. Maybe the doctor should have operated on me :o

I do need a miracle.

The "i'm bored" post

My first post of 2016 and currently Day 10 of post-accident; really bored at home - given the great procrastinator I am, I did manage to tidy up my cupboards and desk, read and blog given the time at home.

But I really want to note down some encouragements from service yesterday; hope I won't forget them and also some thoughts after reading some articles from: www.christianitytoday.com ; which can be useful reminders for myself and future bf/husband-to-be, given that I've been feeling quite discouraged from recent issues.

3 things not to lose in the New Year ahead:
1. JOY
Joy in whatever I do,which defines us as Christians. To remember joy is God-given.
2. PASSION
Passion in service, work, goals and aims in life.Without passion, life can be a real bore.
3.COMPASSION
There's a difference between treating others with compassion and just reacting to situations. Definitely, the former is more genuine.

Secondly, because E and I have touched on this topic before and I'm not too familiar, given that it is a 'taboo' topic,I thought it was rather interesting to read about the Christian perspective(s) in case we do discuss it once again. I guess, ultimately, from what I've gathered, is that:

1. God knows our desires and longings because He creatively placed them there.
2.Still a little confused about sexual orientation vis-a-vis certain occult preachings like Jesus having a feminine side
3. Christianity shouldn't be a set of restrictions but more meant to set us free from the ways/practices/followings of the world about sexuality-meaning all the extremist, normalised socialised views the world adopts in relation to sex, the do's and don'ts. This view is rather liberating but definitely there are boundaries, as set by God in the Bible (http://www.growthtrac.com/marriage-bed/#.VolB-fl97IU), rather than Man.
(http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2015/july/staying-faithful-how-our-sex-lives-matter-to-god.html?start=2). This doesn't mean that God doesn't value virginity/chastity but we shouldn't commoditise/put a judgement to it.
4. Body and sexuality issues matter to God

END 2015 musing

Probably the last post of 2015 - hard to type with 1-2 fingers despite being a lefty.

It had been a wild and scary 4 days from Christmas..I was pretty excited going for my first Rapha Festive500 ride and also meeting E once again. Things happened so quickly that the next moment I was in TTSH and now, I'm out. To be honest, it was really a 3 painful days that seemed rather surreal, till now, I can't really recall the moments in the hospital and also during the crash. Surprisingly, I don't recall any pain, shouts or screams - would that be what happen when one dies? I think I just blacked out. But I really thank God for His Angels that had protected me, that my life was preserved.

The things that happened after, the visits from my beloved friends and even E, was hard to recall. I could only capture some words said to me. But as much as I'm thankful, I'm rather scared what the future holds. Looks-wise, would I still be fit? What about further violent objections from the parents? :((( Dad may be ok but Mum is a definite no-no.

Really want to thank all the visits and get well gifts from the Running Dept Crew-Terry, Nic, Roy, Steven, Ruimei,Tracy,Eve; Declan, Lance, Jiahui, Eugene, Jem, Ken; CA team aunties-Hanniebun, , Jasmine, Candice, Mel, Ivy Wee and Liu, ChuHua, Gillian, Renee, Patrick, May and family; RWG people-Debbie and Jack, Coach Ghana, Jerome, Kevin, Jiarui, Uncle Lim; church friends, Marianne, Aunty Lee Luang, CG friends; Rui Yong, Sweehong, Adriel, Chloe, Yenbin, NUS Aquathlon people (Joshie, JJ, Pam, Sher, YW, Naz, Debs)..and not forgetting E.. Love you guys even though I can't recall much.

Next year 2016 would be a tough one for me..really want to continue to pray for strength.. :((

Relationships: Coincidence or God's Plan?

This year, as I included in my previous blog post, was an emotional roller coaster for me, more so than any other years. I'm not sure if it's good for my sanity but things do knock on your door when you least expect it. And in a whift, it might just disappear..

I'm pissed with myself, as I am writing this. For being impatient, for being too inquisitive for my own good. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and said all the things I shouldn't have. But I think it might be too late now :(

A couple of weeks back, I met this guy who was too-good-to-be-true. I can still pinch myself now and ask, is this only a dream? If so, I hope I will never wake up of it. But now, I may have shattered that beautiful memory. Really praying hard to God to restore it.

I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate feeling uncertain about my future. While I know, and have faith that God uses vulnerability and uncertainty in His Will to do things, I still can't help but feel lost, that I'm not in control of things. 

We met on an unplanned bike ride. In fact, I went for that ride for another reason, which I shall not really mentioned. This guy was really sweet (and definitely cute) as he chatted and pulled me along parts where I got dropped. I thought he was pretty special, unlike most Singaporean guys, he was direct. And then, my itchy fingers added him on FB. I thought it was much more than a coincidence - it was God's plan.

We started talking, and he asked me out. I found out he was an excellent conversationist, someone who can talk about anything under the sun. His ideas challenged me to think harder, his actions challenged me to change myself. I've never met someone who could actually influence me like this. Because of him, I got to sit down at random areas, to just talk, admire the scenery, and watch people go by. Something I would never do, on my own free time because time is too precious. But this guy actually stopped the world for me,

Three dates had passed so far. I made the fatal mistake of asking him about his commitment level even though I know, both of us did, that things were progressing a bit too fast. But this was something I didn't want to let go because I know I will regret. But well, either way would have backfired. And I'm just sitting here, feeling like a mess.

Lord, please give me strong faith.

To the Middle East (2-8 Apr 15) - Cheapskate's Guide in UAE

I had actually 2 agendas while in UAE (United Arab Emirates), to participate in the Nissan Triathlon Festival in Dubai and also to attend Tanya, my cousin's wedding in Abu Dhabi. Well, unfortunately for me, the race got postponed due to a sandstorm :( My cousin's wedding still went on smoothly, thank God for that. Unlike other posts, I think I shall attempt a different format, considering I'm pretty lazy to post nowadays - let me offer you some tips and guide to where to go in Dubai and Abu Dhabi!

Things are pretty expensive in Dubai and Abu Dhabi so hopefully this would help in you saving some money!

1. TRANSPORTATION 

• Cheapest way from the airport to Dubai city centre is via Dubai metro (AED3-7, depending on which areas you stay - although it might continue to increase again). 
• From Dubai to Abu Dhabi, the cheapest form is to take a bus (Al Ghubaiba/Ibn Battuta Bus Station), takes about an hour and half, depending on traffic. Current cost is AED25, pretty worth it considering the seats are comfortable and free WIFI onboard.
• Getting around in Dubai is mostly via metro/tram/bus (not sure) and if it is too out-of-the-way; cab. Walking is possible but unadvisable. As for Abu Dhabi, I used the cab most of the time as there is no metro and the bus system is ??
• The abra, a traditional water boat (now operated by motor) cost AED1 and it's the most fun and cheapest way to get from one side of the Creek to the other

2. SHOPPING

• In my opinion, Dubai/Abu Dhabi is like a HUGE mall with both international and local brands - but not cheap; even with sales :/
• Things native to the UAE that are WORTH buying are; dates, coffee (with cardamon), fruits (pomegranates, grapefruit...etc), flat bread, tahina (sesame paste) and hummus spreads, honey, figs, nuts, spices
• Supermarkets offer pretty reasonable prices for takeaway salads/meals
• The annual Global Village is like a mini-World Expo with lots of interesting things to buy

3. ATTRACTIONS in Dubai

• New Dubai Area: Ibn Battuta Mall (a huge mall divided into 5 continents which Ibn Battuta the explorer travelled to. They even have a mini exhibition with artefacts for curious visitors!), The Walk at JBR ( a short area of beach and filled with many al fresco dining areas, been there in the day but not at night, which I understand that it would be more happening), The Palm Jumeirah - yes, I've been onto the world's largest man-made island! (you have to CAB or take the monorail which costs AED22 for 2 ways in! An exclusive place which I had mistakenly tried to run in but was stuck near the entrance and had to look for a cab :( Nothing much unless you want to dine in some atas restaurant or look at the Arabian Gulf..hurhur). Dubai Marina merely offers a good background for profile pictures but don't spend time walking along the area.

• The Burj al Arab Area (Malls of the Emirates metro): I didn't get to go there because you need a reservation at the restaurant/bars but it would be the global icon of Dubai. Walking down Umm Suqeim Road also leads to Souk Madinat Jumeirah, a place I would consider visiting the next round - modelled after an Arabian town.
• Old Deira: Al Fahidi Historical District (one of the oldest neighbourhoods in Dubai) and Bastakiya Quarters (see the old restored wind towers, look through the small shops, visit the Coffee Museum to try the various coffees and see how they are prepared, go for the Jumeirah Mosque visit - AED10, 945am daily except Fridays)

• Bur Dubai: Heritage and Diving Village (walked past but didn't look around much, except stopped to have a coffee by the road by one of the camel owners), traditional spice, gold and grand souks (a mix-mash of Little India?), Dubai Museum (AED3 but one of the best maintained museums around)
• Inner Suburbs of the Creek: Wildlife Sanctuary on Oud Metha Road
• Deira City Centre: Perfume Souk (didn't spot it), Fish and Vegetables Market (they have pretty good buys there! Iran dates going for AED5/kg), Naif Museum (old police station), Al-Ahmadiya School museum, Heritage House (all free, worth a short visit because they are very small and not very well-retored)
• Downtown Dubai: Dubai Mall, Souk al Bahar, The Palace and Fountain (pretty impressive fountain shows daily. The Dubai Mall is a really HUGE place, also links to the Burj Khalifa and houses the Underwater Aquarium)

4. ATTRACTIONS in Abu Dhabi

• Malls (again)  -We visited Marina Mall, World Trade Centre (with a pricey Shake Shack), Al Wadha Mall - got pretty sick of these extravagant huge places, although it provided a respite from the heat
• Emirates Palace - It is actually a hotel but looks so grand like a palace. Note that it only opens to visitors from 10am onwards and in order to get through the security to the outdoor area, walk all the way to the end and look for a resident's entrance. You will be amazed by the immense extravagance of the place - long pristine (man-made) beaches, green lawns, even camels available for rides!
• Abu Dhabi Heritage Village - only "cultural" place in the Washington-like administrative state. Gives you a glimpse of traditional crafts like pottery, carving...etc and of course, camels are available for photos!
• Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al-Nahyan Mosque - the most opulent mosque you've ever seen. Vistors can borrow an abaya to enter as you are required to cover up. The mosque is a functioning mosque so I think at certain times, they don't open for visits. There are free daily tours conducted with a guide (we were late so we didn't have) so we walked around on our own. The architecture and details of the carvings and interior are breathtaking. Somewhat equivalent to a Chinese palace or European church. 
• Other attractions include Yas Island and Ferrari World...etc but are really pricey so we didn't bother

5. ACCOMODATION

• Stayed in an AirBNB apartment in Jumeirah Lake Towers (SGD50/night), the cheapest form of accomodation in Dubai. Hotels are pricy
• In Abu Dhabi, because my cousin paid for my hotel, it was a way to save costs for me. Centro Al Manhal located beside the bus station and Al Wadha mall

 THE WEDDING

Was held on Nurai Island, a private island that required us to take a speedboat across. It was really fun and was my first wedding by the beach! There was first the traditional Chinese tea ceremony, followed by the exchange of vows, then dinner (which was AWESOME) and dance.

My cousin also brought us around her place - St Regis Serviced Apartments on Saaiyat Island, a rather chill environment with many high-end apartments and hotels.

The next trip to Dubai is in October. Overall, it was a little disappointing because it wasn't as good as I expected - not a lot of cultural places and mostly seems like a money-making artificial city..Hopefully I will be able to visit the deserts in Dubai and Al Ain!

HK Trip - 24 to 27 Jan 2015 : Back to Nature

Haven't had the time to blog for so long but I just had to share about my trip to HK (the second one in 2 years) but this time, I went with Dwayne, Darren and Ken and we visited Chen Peng and Ying Hao there.

This was a much shorter trip but I spent quite a bit, because of the accommodation. We stayed at BP International Hotel, which is a pretty good hotel, conveniently located beside Kowloon Park. While it was four times the cost of my bed at Chungking Mansions, it was so much more comfy (and definitely private) - spent SGD216 for 3 nights (approx $70 a night).

I arrived in HK in the evening at 5:30pm and for some reason, the place feels super familiar to me (probably because the previous trip was too recent). Took the bus down to Mongkok (cost HKD14.70) and it was a nice trip, watching sunset around HK. However, due to the jam around the city centre, the bus ride took about 1.5h. Thereafter, it took about 20min to walk down to the hotel.

We went over to The Sweet Dynasty (Tang Chao) at Hankow Street for dinner with Ying Hao and CP. Honestly, despite all the raves online about the restaurant, I felt it was too overpriced and the place does seem a little dodgy due to the dim lighting. Also, they stopped serving quite a bit of dim sum after 8pm so we didn't get much choices :( If I'm not wrong, it is famous for its beancurd, which was interestingly served in a bucket.

After dinner, we went to walk around - down the Victoria Harbour along the Avenue of Stars where we tried to capture some of the night lights. I was pretty glad to meet up with CP after so long! We wanted to head down to OZONE bar at Ritz Carlton (Austin Road) but it started raining (and my feet were killing me), so I convinced the guys to head back - maybe we should have gone that day because we never did get another chance :(

Change of design of 1881 Heritage - the prettiest mall

Cityscape of HK

The next day, we had to abort our plan initially because Dwayne fell ill - food poisoning. Ken and I decided to go look for medication for him and we did a short run to look for the earliest opened Mannings. Interestingly, we managed to catch Ying Hao and CP at the start point at 0930am. Just that we didn't manage to catch them again at the finishing point because we decided to trek the Dragon's Back in the day and come back for Dwayne to go up Victoria Peak in the evening.

The Dragon's Back is an urban trail located on HK Island and it is simply a must-go trail in HK (if you only have time for one). It is rather manageable but do wear shoes that are comfortable and have good gripe so you won't have any danger of slipping. The view for the start is pretty breath-taking but towards the end, it got really boring, that we had to resort to music. It took us about 2.5h to finish the trail, plus all the photographs and we ended up on the Tai Long Wan beach at the bottom. 

How to get there: It can be easily accessed via MTR to Shau Kei Wan and bus 9 from the terminal.

Difficulty Level: 5/10 for the average person (for fitter people it should be much lower), approx 8.5km

Towards the end of the trail

Tai Long Wan

Surfboards!

We had a late lunch at one of the shops on the beach and headed back to Shau Kei Wan. Apparently, this is one of the surfer's paradise in HK where they loan surfboards and offer lessons. We headed back to Shau Kei Wan where I wandered around the market and the guys went back to pick Dwayne up. I kind of like wandering around on my own, to soak up the local atmosphere. I bought some oranges and almonds (HKD55 for about 600g), as well as some HK dessert and pao. Headed over to Central MTR to meet the 3 guys for our Victoria Peak outing. Initially we wanted to go to the Bank of China to view but it was closed :( So we headed directly to the Victoria Peak Tram Station. We waited for ages just to board the tram. Well, there is a way to walk/run up but I guess the guys were too tired (and sick) to do that. The cost of the two way ticket was about HKD80 (minus the viewing gallery cost) but the waiting time was crazy.

It was an experience itself to board the tram as it was packed.The ride was pretty scary because the tram was moving 45 degrees upwards. The view was so-so because of the packed tram and that it was getting dark. It took about 10min to reach the Peak. It's been ages since I've been here, I don't even recall the Mall at the top. Well, the view was good.

View from the Peak

Dinner was at Lin Heung Tea House 蓮香樓, a traditional old-school teahouse on Lan Kwai Fong area where the waiters were wearing white shirts and pants but they went all the way to provide good service. Heard the dim sum there is good too but too bad they don't have it at dinner. The food was not bad, big portion and affordable but be prepared for a long queue (we waited 1.5h without a reservation).

Typical sight on HK Island

So traditional right?

By the time we got back, it was too late to do anything else so we turned in.

I started day 3 with an hour of easy run and some dynamic workout along Victoria Harbour. Really pretty and windy.

hehs..not much of a view

Thankfully, Dwayne was feeling slightly better so we headed to Sai Kung to do another trek - MacLeHose Trails. We took the MTR to Hang Hau (where HKSTU was) and took a mini bus to Sai Kung town. I took quite a bit of time to research about Sai Kung but it turned out pretty accessible. Sai Kung is a pretty seaside port and is along the east coast of HK, near the many tiny islands, famous for its fresh seafood and also geological formations. There are many sections of the MacLehose trail but we took an easier but longer one (about 12km). It was...interesting. Took us up the mountains and down all the way to the sandy coasts and mangroves. The trails are well-guided, and surprisingly paved. So danger scale is like near zero, unless you do something that the signs warn you against. I'll let the pictures tell the story. Oh, do bring food and water because there isn't along the way. Except for a small seaside store which we stopped by somewhere 3-4km on the trail.

Cute red bean pie from Macs - reward after the hike!

Fishing port

 Dinner was back at the hotel and I finally tried a HK traditional dessert :)

Last day was pretty hectic too..Couldn't wake up for any run (legs were aching from the hikes) so I decided to head down to HK Island to do some last minute shopping. Finally took the tram, which was super cheap (HKD2.50), and efficient. Bought some wife biscuits, took some photos and went to the airport to catch my flight. Till another time, HK!

Took the boat out  - HKD4.50

The tram

Back-to-back Racing July-August - My First Olympic Distance Triathlon experience

10 August 2014, my first OD triathlon done at Port Dickson

Avillon Admiral Cove Hotel

Swim Start

Carbo-loading

Finisher Medal!

Our team of about 20 of us went up to Port Dickson over the National Day weekend (how patriotic we are!), most of the team were doing the relay races, a couple of us, did individual sprint/OD triathlons. I had to admit I was feeling super worried and scared because it was my first OD triathlon. I've done individual races leading up to this to prepare, but doing everything together is different altogether - such as the Trifactor 3km swim, 5-20-5 KM Duathlon (first for my category!), 36km bike ITT at coastal the week before (1:03 PB) and of course the run races, latest being Run for Hope. :S I think tbh, confidence is a HUGE issue for me...

Run on KM Duathlon

Participants of KM Duathlon

Team NUS at KM Duathlon! (plus Jason Loh)

"favourite course" on KM Duathlon

Read my KM Duathlon post on Trititude!

Although I was feeling lazy to write a post on this race and that I wasn't too proud of the race results, I thought it would be good to do a post-race reflection, as Coach David has always encouraged us to. This would not only serve as a physical reminder of what I thought I did well and what needs improvement on, something to look back to when I feel discouraged, and most importantly, to THANK all who has been helping me one way or another :)

2:38:40 - didn't hit my goal but at least not worse. Just nice it fell into 10th placing.

SWIM (plus a 800m beach run) - was 9th in my age group, off my watch out of the water it was a 27min. I guess I couldn't ask for more because it was one of the rare times that I felt that I was actually moving in the water. Drank a lot of salt water, got kicked on the face too but it felt good drafting. Time to work on my power and techniques, hopefully I can go much faster soon! 

BIKE - I really did enjoy the bike course although I was pretty much worried throughout the course that I might crash - a bad habit I must kick. It was a nice course despite the rolling hills, the roads weren't too narrow and scenery was pretty. It was my first time riding in such a huge pack of 20-30 in and out and it was certainly a much easier ride. There was a kind guy who helped to pull me to catch up with another pack, and I must say that I never expect anyone to do that for me! One regret was that I stopped at the U-turn point because I was still uncomfortable to turn clockwise, causing me to lose the pack and having to cycle a lot harder to catch up. Something I really need to work on.

RUN - The run route was interesting but it was my most disappointing segment because it was the time I gave up on my race and myself and started walking. I wasn't even panting hard but somehow my brain just kept telling me to slow down and stop. Finally i relented and found it harder to continue. This was supposed to be my best segment but somehow this was the part I SHOULD HAVE done better. So much more to work on for this, especially my willpower. Time for more bricks and harder runs...

Just would like to thank my coaches for so patiently encouraging me, correcting my swim/run positions and not giving up on me - Mr Ghana and Mr Robin Tan, as well as Uncle David. I will continue to train hard so as not to disappoint you! Thanks for inspiring me :D

The NUS Aquathlon team - JJ for taking the trouble to organise this trip up to PD :)) It was really fun to spend this holiday period with the team! And for all those who went up, the trip would be nothing without the jokes, the support during races, the countless selfies (especially Sherlynn - you never fail to excite everyone!) and most importantly, all the tips and encouragements offered to me, who was actually quite scared and nervous before this race,especially Justin, who reminded me to take it easy and enjoy the experience. Thanks Debs for doing this OD with me and congrats on completing your first OD too (WELL DONE YOU!) Thanks Jon (Tan) for your awesomely light wheels - psychologically & physically they helped :P

Not sure when my next OD is but hopefully, I'll be able to do this again next year, with a much more satisfying timing. Good job to all friends who completed the race too - going out to Andrew, Dave, Diana, Jason and Inn Inn from RD, Clement Chua, Nuo Shi, Khai Leng, Rui Mei, Yan Ling (thanks for the draft on the bike).Swee Hong, good job on your first tri and pls recover well-don't be discouraged ok! Congrats Jason (Loh), Sher-JJ-Josh & Aaron-Dwayne-Dex teams on winning too :) 

A week after PD, I did the 5km Shape Run, thankful for a 7th placing even though hitting a 23 min on my run isn't anywhere close to my PB :( It was quite a mentally painful run (which I need to break) - looks like I need to race more often. Meihui, on the contrary, is improving. Her 21min plus was one of her not-so-good results. But still, happy for her. I really need to find out what's wrong with me.

Great Eastern Women Pacer :)

Having fun post-race with the Shape Run RD Pacers

Me & Meihui 7th and 6th at SHAPE RUN 2014

Prize Presentation at SHAPE Run

Supporters/participants at Sing Tri

Oh yes, I was involved in Great Eastern Women's Run pacer programme too! Free Adidas jerseys & New Balance Shoes for me..hehehes :D Watched the Elites race at Singapore Triathlon too, pretty inspiring too..Hope I can reach that level someday...

Have to work hard on this road of doing better!

Watch this space for updates on AHM and Trifactor tri!