Relationships: Coincidence or God's Plan?

This year, as I included in my previous blog post, was an emotional roller coaster for me, more so than any other years. I'm not sure if it's good for my sanity but things do knock on your door when you least expect it. And in a whift, it might just disappear..

I'm pissed with myself, as I am writing this. For being impatient, for being too inquisitive for my own good. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and said all the things I shouldn't have. But I think it might be too late now :(

A couple of weeks back, I met this guy who was too-good-to-be-true. I can still pinch myself now and ask, is this only a dream? If so, I hope I will never wake up of it. But now, I may have shattered that beautiful memory. Really praying hard to God to restore it.

I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate feeling uncertain about my future. While I know, and have faith that God uses vulnerability and uncertainty in His Will to do things, I still can't help but feel lost, that I'm not in control of things. 

We met on an unplanned bike ride. In fact, I went for that ride for another reason, which I shall not really mentioned. This guy was really sweet (and definitely cute) as he chatted and pulled me along parts where I got dropped. I thought he was pretty special, unlike most Singaporean guys, he was direct. And then, my itchy fingers added him on FB. I thought it was much more than a coincidence - it was God's plan.

We started talking, and he asked me out. I found out he was an excellent conversationist, someone who can talk about anything under the sun. His ideas challenged me to think harder, his actions challenged me to change myself. I've never met someone who could actually influence me like this. Because of him, I got to sit down at random areas, to just talk, admire the scenery, and watch people go by. Something I would never do, on my own free time because time is too precious. But this guy actually stopped the world for me,

Three dates had passed so far. I made the fatal mistake of asking him about his commitment level even though I know, both of us did, that things were progressing a bit too fast. But this was something I didn't want to let go because I know I will regret. But well, either way would have backfired. And I'm just sitting here, feeling like a mess.

Lord, please give me strong faith.