On expectations - when reality sinks in

Was initially pretty excited about today since the start of the week but somehow it felt like a disappointment at the end of the day..that's when expectations had been beyond what actually occurred. Work was, as usual, tough and I was looking for something to cheer me up at the end of the week but so far, it was pretty much a letdown.

I made the decision to join the Specialised team led by the Mavericks for a short ride in the west. Thought that it might be a fast and interesting ride, and hoping to get to know people but unlike Rapha rides where the guys (and some of the girls) are friendly and genuine. I guess Specialised is more commercialised and catered to the large masses so the riders who go are also very much different in riding levels and ability to converse. Don't know whether it was indeed a good choice to skip riding with the guys and go for this ride. Even though I managed about 70+ km in total, it was a little disappointing.

After that I went for SG Coffee Festival with N. Was also pretty excited, both by the coffee event and since this was the first time out with him, I did wonder how it would be like given that it was going out with another RCC guy who was my sister's age. Honestly, the impression I had of N was pretty good and being an ex-barista had its qualities. It was strange that I started comparing him to E. While I shouldn't have told him about E, I was comparing him quite a bit.

I'm pretty much attracted to good conversationalists and people with strong principles. Both E and N were exceptional although they had differing views on what made a good conversation and it was interesting to know. Both were guys of strong principles but whether they stuck to it, was another story. Both were interestingly knowledgeable but in their own ways. Both were younger than me but they had different maturity levels. But one was interested in settling, the other wasn't.

However, I found myself still quite attracted. Unfortunately, I think the impression I got from him was no, he wasn't interested and sad to say, he was after all pretty young and not as gentlemanly. Oh wells, at least it wasn't too deep unlike my previous 2.

I think I really need a change of environment to distract myself.

On stumbling, getting hurt and brushing the dust off my knees

It has been a month since the last fall. And the wound still feels pretty fresh.

I realised I've been stumbling quite a bit over the past few months and somehow the vulnerability doesn't seem to lessen. I seem to be still making the same errors and getting hurt once again. But I guess I find myself recovering, brushing the dust off my knees and getting back again. It's tiring. And I wish that there's someone (physically - besides God) there for me to help me get back. I believe we all need someone, just to be there.

I just don't understand how people can change partners and complain about them so often while others, who seek acceptance and love, never seem to find any.

Secret Love Song

Came across this song which was covered by the Sam Willows but surprisingly I found the original so much better and emotional.

We keep behind close doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as curtains falls

It'll never be enough

Pretty much sums up the emotions these past few weeks and had also brought back a piece of nostalgia from 2014's trip in London, one of the trips closest to my heart. It was when I met and knew Kenny better (and before he got attached), while he was a lot more unguarded. London was a place where I had a lot of mixed emotions, probably brought about by the weather.

These few weeks had been a emotional roller coaster for me, not sure if work had helped or contributed to it further but it had left me super drained. Who says cabin crew dept is so much better?

And perhaps someone pointed out something so true, perhaps I'm so upset/sore because I've lost the battle to someone that seemed less capable than me. Is it just only the competitiveness in me? That can be quite scary too. Life's unfair though

Tastes changes, so do guys...

It's only the start of April of 2016 and there's so many relationship issues?

Seriously, I need to learn how to actually stop falling for the wrong guys. It seems like over the years, my tastes have been changing and each time, the standards get higher and on hindsight, sometimes I wonder, why did I even liked that guy? I guess university and work does open boundaries - I used to think that the age range shouldn't be too far but I'm getting more liberal with my choices. But by doing so, it allows for more vulnerabilities. I'm not so sure why did my taste changed so drastically this time round but it's getting dangerous; and I'm becoming a little more like Rach, with the exception of a criteria of doing sports a bit more competitively.

He's in all ways eligible (at least that's what I choose to assume) but the caveat is that this guy's married (or that's what his records say but he didn't mention) and the age gap is pretty huge (think Jay Chou and wife). Stability and pretty good-looking are the key points. He claimed to attend church too.

This guy is pretty close to breaking my heart but I'm really gonna need all willpower to avoid him. Really don't know why he chose to be so nice to me but now it seems like he's also pretty chummy with HP. So I'm guessing he might be a player.

SO NO. I'm not sure why God throws all these people into my life to tease my heart but if only He could harden my heart a little, it would help. ALOT.

----------------------------------------ON HINDSIGHT--------------------------------------------------------

And so, I did consult people.. turns out that i got played out again...

I never seem to learn from this - trusting the wrong people, especially when you feel that the person's safe to trust because he claimed to be Christian (ugh..twice happened) and because he's so nice (at least for some period) - one indicated interest, one showed interest..

On dealing with broken hearts, God's Will and perhaps, learning more patience

Yet another long weekend for me which began on Thursday because I had to clear some leave and once again, some unexpected feelings crept up. Oddly, I was disappointed when I thought I was looking forward to Wednesday and Friday, and when I least expect, I was rather pleasantly surprised on a supposed normal me-alone Thursday. There's still quite a packed Saturday and Sunday and I really am trying to learn not to expect anything so I can avoid feeling more disappointed.

Once again, A did tell me he was coming on Wednesday, probably to walk but in the end, he told me he had something on and wasn't able to make it - a little disappointed but at least I got Michael to pace me and 15k was in the bag.

Thursday started off as a day full of appointments but it ended on a pretty good note. Was talking to A in the morning and found out he was on leave too and couldn't say no to lunch (at least I didn't have to hang around with the parents after the lawyer's appointment). Good thing he picked me up at Potong Pasir (although I was surprised he got there so quickly) cos it was terribly humid and I was in desperate need of aircon. To satisfy his craving of prawn mee, I really can't believe he brought me to the Naked Finn at Gillman Barracks! Yes, the prawn mee was rather pricey at $25++ but the seafood there was reputed to be fresh (didn't try the prawns but the fish was really tender). I'm not too huge a fan of hawker/Chinese food but this sort of fusion food did change my preconceptions. Not too bad a choice although the place is rather inaccessible without a car. Thereafter, we went over to Novena and hung around till my speech therapy appointment. Afterwhich, I went for an eyelash touchup and Nike 9k run. I was also mildly surprised I received some lovely matcha chocs from Seoul :)

Friday was (is) Good Friday. Rode with the NUS guys, Sara and Vern and did a 85km West Loop. Feels good to be back on the bike and trying to catch the guys' draft. I must say my bike fitness dropped quite a lot although on flats it was ok but climbing was tough. Hope it gets better soon. Went for Wesley's Good Friday Service - really miss the P&P Service and I regret not going earlier cos there was no seats and we got bumped to the Traditional Service. Well, but at least I made it for a Wesley Service! After service, Debs, myself met up with Naz, Sher and Yew Wee for lunch/catch-up at Haji Lane called "I am" - a halal hipster cafe. Food looked good and pricing was not too bad; just that it was non-airconditioned and the food felt a bit too oily for my liking. Perhaps I still prefer brunch cafes.Well, all went pretty ok until David came and the guys started talking about his girlfriend. It kinda hit me hard; although I was trying to brace myself based on Sher's updates last week on it. I guess, as much as I was happy to see David after some time, learning this was quite damaging to the rest of my day. Speaking of which, I did realise the type of guys I fancied was pretty similar so far, perhaps with the exception of A, that I'll be elaborating later as the thought is unconventional, even as I think about it. It's ok - I just have to harden my heart - AGAIN, and perhaps it won't break; or at least, not as hard.

On the way back, many thoughts ran through my head; hopefully I can actually categorise them well.

1. They said, names have special meanings. Of my 26 years of existence, people often tell me, in Hebrew, Sarah means "princess" and of course, as a kid, it did feel pretty special but now, this thought - why did my parents name me Sarah (or if God was the one that planted it)? Am I stuck to God's plan of making me patient by waiting? After all, in the Bible, Sarah waited 35 (i think) years for a child. This made me feel helpless and somehow I feel troubled by this. God's plan - what is it?

2. The types of guys I dated/fancied changed quite a bit but somehow can be grouped into 2 categories:
-Soccer players
-Cyclists (vs triathletes)

3. The curiosity of A's personal life really bothers me a lot. While I know I shouldn't even be thinking about A AT ALL, I need some distractions from other issues, and this odd relationship between us seem to offer A LOT of reprieve cos it certainly doesn't seem very platonic.

Will elaborate on it again sometime soon.

My 101th post and on one of the better weekends in 2016 (finally..)

Honestly, I was more excited about this (long) weekend than the one which I went to Bangkok for and it did seemed that it was pretty much packed with activities that time really flies.

After a pretty good RD run, which I did feel a little disappointed that A didn't turn up cos he was heading to Seoul, I headed home for some much needed sleep. The long weekend started for me!

Began Thursday with going for my appointments and did my dynamic bike fit at Loue with Shuwie for $450, my highest investment yet.Took about 4h but it was pretty good, I must say...Started Friday with an easy ride and swim and another day of appointments. Friday night, Debs and I went for CLEO Bachelors' Party at ZOUK, which I was a little more excited for. Besides the pretty cool goody bag, I was there to support Malcom, whom I met at another fringe event. This year's party was a little disappointing though cos they were playing so many games and there wasn't much introduction on the bachelors, such that there wasn't much of an impression made on the audience. The games were cute though - thank goodness Malcom played some biting on the pocky stick game, which wasn't too embarrassing or tough on him. It'd be cool to stay for some clubbing which I haven't done in ages but I had to run a race the next day..Although we didn't have much time to talk, it was nice to see him.

To cut the long story short, I was first for Women Open (21:08) for the CEO run but somehow the impact didn't seem to be there. Glad that my legs felt ok after cycling down so it was more of a brick session. Thereafter, we went down to Killney's Real Food to celebrate Coach David's birthday. It was a nice and cosy gathering and the food was not bad. It has been quite a while since I've talked to the rest of the team and it felt nice to talk to Jon, Pete, Barbs and the rest..Went to Mandarin Gallery in search of coffee and a cafe to read because it was hard to find an empty one! Guess I'd have to do more research before heading out. Coincidentally, I bumped into Philip, whom I've never met since uni! Well, he was supposed to kill some time by reading but he decided to ask me for coffee and we ended up at Jones the Grocer. Despite that, there was so much to talk about and there was simply no need to break the ice. In that 2h I think I learnt so much more about him than in the time he was in cross coutnry! From his job, to wing chun, to what was happening, to Chicago, I do enjoy such impromptu meet-ups and it'd be nice if this could happen more often - just randomly meeting people and having meaningful conversations with them; I do really really miss that, especially with E.

Speaking of E, yes, I met him on the ride today. Was expecting it but didn't really know quite how to react to the situation. He made the first move (as usual) when he saw me at Lower Pierce although I was riding behind him most of the time. Had really mixed feelings but it did seem like to him, nothing much happened :( My first official ride on the bike went pretty well and the route was...interesting. We rode into Bukit Brown first and boy, having no headlight sucks :/  Then the route led us to Mt Pleasant, Lower and Upper Pierce. It was fun to get to know the other RCC boys and other ladies on the ride. If only this was a Saturday, then I wouldn't have to rush for church..

Oh, was happy for A cos he texted me on his marathon time=3:14! Although it wasn't a qualified time, it was pretty good. Hope he isn't too disappointed though and he'll be back tomorrow.

After church, met Sher for tea and time passed so fast! It was great catching up with her :)

Overall, I guess I couldn't ask more for this weekend. Now, back to how to deal with the E issue..

On racing, disappointments and perhaps, getting stronger

I ran my first race of 2016 today - Venus Run, a 5km race - with a nett timing of 23:10.

Wasn't the best shot ever and was feeling pretty much hesitant about running because I felt unprepared and I successfully managed to fall ill the night before (probably due to the heat). Moreover, word from the organisers mentioned that they will be combining all teams of 4 into one category due to the lack of numbers and I was pretty afraid of competing with F1 or Shufflers. We didn't send in a strong team this year because Rachel was out and I was down but I was glad for Debs, Kristal and Michelle, who were positive and kept my spirits up.

Been talking to A more often nowadays and he mentioned that he'll be down to support but little did I expect him to go down to run with me! Really thankful for him helping me keep pace though I was lagging behind a bit. Sounds wrong but recently, I've been so thankful for him as a distraction to all my worries and issues. Honestly, it sounds even more wrong when A mentioned he attended church too :O So yes, we won 3rd for team category (yays!), at least still top 3 even though I was a little disappointment we dropped from 1st placing last year. But yea, I'm thankful.

After that, Debs and I went to watch the OCBC road cycling at Seletar. She went to support Dane and I was there to support David, Dwayne and Shuwie. Was a bit worried that I'll bump into E but thankfully no. Well, the race was exciting with crashes and sprint-offs but was quite disappointed that David didn't manage to hang onto the pack at the last 1.5 loops. Road racing seems scary though. I thought I saw E with the rest of the guys but it turned out he was likely in the sportive category and that he crashed out on the 3rd lap.

Momentarily I felt sorry for him but I guess after reading his post, maybe not so after all. Well, his girl went down to support him so perhaps, that was all that he needed...I really still can't let go of the whole issue at all..

Am I disappointed with what happened today? Yes..Am i perhaps getting stronger? Maybe.

Of relationships that never go your way...

I thought I won't be catching any movies onboard my SIN-BKK-SIN trip but in the end "The Third Way of Love 제3의 사랑 " starring Liu Yi Fei and (the super charismatic) Song Seung Heon caught my attention. Although I didn't manage to finish the movie, I'll be sure to try to complete it, as much as there are warnings that the ending would be really sad. It does seem like this movie is shot by some acclaimed director, John H. Lee.

Somehow, I do tend to relate dramas, especially when it involves romance and relationships and that's why I do like watching them when I hardly even watch movies. What's more interesting is that these two are a couple in real life, despite their 11-year age difference, Liu Yifei is 28 while Song Seung Heon is 39 - which brings me to the next topic to muse.

How would it feels like to date someone 10 years plus older than you? Or even to have some feelings? This excludes celebrity crushes on older guys like Song Seung Heon, Gong Yoo, Lee Byung Hun (which I rarely favour but these are the hotter ones).

I've never dwelled or thought about this topic before because most of the time, I'm meeting people around my age, with 2-4 years age gaps and I don't really find older guys too charming. But recently, I surprised myself by having such a thought. Perhaps after having met so many guys and having quite a few bad experiences, it does indeed fulfill some of the criteria which I do (and rather most women in general) look for in a guy, I believe. Charisma, stability, confidence, goal-oriented, well-connected, maturity, sensitivity - qualities that only time and experience would mould (then again, there are exceptions). However, there are qualities they would lack as they lose their boyishness, recklessness and perhaps fun-loving nature but this shouldn't be generalised. Over the past year, I've met guys who are younger but have the maturity of an older gentleman, and older guys who still retain their boyishness.

Perhaps I'm rather tired of the uncertainties of life, as fun they might be, and am feeling rather old, but having someone mature who is certain and confidence of his direction does give me a sense of stability in this evolving world. Perhaps I like consistency in my life - it makes things a lot easier in this complicated world. Perhaps that was what had drawn me to E in the first place, even though looks, height and abilities do play a part.

In the process of recovering and moving on, I've plunged headfirst into unchartered territories, which can be rather scary and comforting at the same time. I'm able to pinpoint qualities that I prioritise but it's scary that it seems like all these qualities are derived from the wrong person. I guess maybe it's too early to pen these thoughts down, since I'm still thinking hard about it but I hope nothing really bad happens when I touch the forbidden fruit.

Really like this song :)

 

Past the Quarter

Birthdays...You either hate them or you love them..

I've never liked birthdays although I do appreciate that some of my friends do make some birthdays memorable for me, like the one last year and at SPRUCE with the NUS Aquathlon people.

In 2 days, it would be my 26th birthday. And yes, I've passed the quarter and I really feel soooo old :(

And yes, none of the life goals had been met.

2015 was turning out pretty fine until the end of the year which was rather bittersweet. A part of me was hoping there could be some form of selective amnesia to forget E totally, yet the memories did seemed one of most memorable ever. People I've told about this did seem pretty disgusted at the total douchebag attitude E had and told me to let it go, but it's so hard. And it's worse when your mind conjures things in the future with him, especially after talking it over. As much as I think I'll burst into tears if I met up with him, it feels there isn't a proper closure to this issue without talking it over. I think the only way to let go would be to find someone else to be loved by and to love. Because only love can overcome all fears, hate and anxieties.

If only I can reverse time..maybe all the way back to selecting a junior college - I really wished I chose ACJC instead of TJC; perhaps I could have fit in better there and then also have better like-minded friends. Perhaps my life would have been totally different now. But there's no such thing as a time machine. 

Back to being 26 and single again...

Can we start afresh?

I wished I never knew you.

I've never felt this way before.

I wished you didn't tell me about your deepest thoughts, and asked about mine.

What went wrong?

I wished we didn't sit together and talk under the stars on that balmy evening.

You never told me and just left me.

I wished you didn't embrace me when you had to leave me each time.

I thought it was likely we could be something.

I wished you didn't tell me pugushipoyo randomly in the midweek.

You set the standards high, even though you told me I raised the bar.

I wished you didn't teach me that having good conversations was so interesting.

I thought maybe God sent you as a blessing, but I'm starting to think it is a painful experience.

I wished you didn't make me realise how important is it to be appreciate knowledge as it is.

As much as I would like to wipe you off my memories, I can't forget your voice.

I wished you didn't play with my emotions.

I'm trying to hate you... and I've never hated anyone before.

I wished you didn't once tell me how much you cared.

Even with all your weaknesses, I know I could never find someone else like you.

I wished you didn't tell me how much you respected me and that I was the prettiest in your sight.

I still can't bear to wipe out the photo we had together.

Much as I wished I never met you, I do wish we could just start afresh.

Waiting - Part of God's Plan?

Debs recommended me this article:
 http://www.jonathanngan.com/thoughts/2016/2/1/why-does-god-make-us-wait

Which was pretty good I must say..

Waiting - something the impatient me truly dread. Two ways to see it, life's too short to wait for something but patience can be a virtue (Love is patient, love is kind...). I can't stand slowness, the gaps in time that I have to fill alone but by taking your time, it allows one to appreciate the smaller things in life that people who rush a lot tend to miss out on. Being the extrovert, I also fear being lonely, having to do things alone tend to have a stigma and it's so much better to share your feelings with someone else - perhaps that's the reason why I blog and write, it's so hard to keep things to yourself.

Throughout this 6.5 weeks, there had been a lot of waiting, some of which I'm still waiting for. Waiting for the doctor's diagnosis and prognosis, waiting for the healing, waiting to be given the green lights to run/swim/bike, waiting for E's texts, waiting for my life to go back to normal - and the usual day-to-day stuff like waiting for the bus, waiting for friends...etc. Well, some pointers after reading and reflecting:

1.Waiting builds your reliance on God.

I guess it's pretty true; I've been crying out to God, praying to Him, talking to Him, so much more these days and to my horror, it had declined since I've gone back to work and training. But still, the need to pray and talk to God still seems so much more important these days. Does that build a better relationship with Him? I do hope so.

2. Trust God - God's delay does not necessarily mean denial

This can only be revealed on hindsight because till now, there are a lot of things that I'm still waiting for and thinking about. I would really need to learn to "enjoy this process" - as the article mention. I do pray that everything goes well in His time.

3. How do we make of it when things may not turn out as we expect?

God would not withhold things from us but things we think are good may not necessarily be good - so once again, on hindsight then we would know what works.

So, yesterday, for the first time in my life, I went to a cafe on my own - Coast & Company at Siglap. I must say it is pretty quiet and it's a place to just sit down and read without people chasing you off. What more, it was a bike-themed cafe! I had planned to read my travel guides but ended up reading this magazine about cycling and travelling called "Far Ride" which kind of allowed me to realise that cycling, photography, travelling and design came all together. Also, a thought of working at a cafe would be pretty interesting, especially if I plan to take no-pay leave ;) Well, for future consideration. That afternoon, I did think quite a lot about E and I guess, understood him a lot better in the aspect of his dreams and cycling. I believe it is a rather unique thought that I doubt many Singaporean guys would have (besides him and Chris) but it is a rather lovely dream, I must say. It had also allowed me to respect pure cyclists a lot more, as they actually do respect their bikes a lot more than triathletes - the workmanship of the bike, more than the parts that make it go fast; as well as the beauty of cycling, rather than just the thrill of competing. Of course, both would come hand-in-hand but it's like appreciating knowledge for the process of gaining it and the beauty of information itself, more than the usage of the knowledge gained.

Perhaps I should do this again.

And yes, time does heals (I hope).

Lang Leav, Raw Emotions, True words...

I've never encountered such a writer as Lang Leav. Her words, although rather simple, seem to reflect all my raw inner thoughts so accurately. She is one who writes about love and relationships, most of , the time rather sad feelings, mirrors my current emotional state.

"I loved how his eyes danced merrily,
and the gentle way he spoke;
the way he filled my aimless days,
with bitterness and hope.

I loved him as I fell to sleep,
and each morning as I woke;
I loved him with all my wayward heart - until the day it broke"

I really loved "Talk again" as well.

Somehow, it is true that emotions bring out the best in our writings. When emotions flood in, the tears roll, words seem to flow more easily although your heart might be too distraught for your mind to pen the words systematically down. But recently, I've been penning down so much of my thoughts because it's pretty tiring to keep it all in my mind (and also because I'm less active now due to my injury).

It was pretty much "love at first sight" - although I'm a non-believer of that because it was always one-sided. This was the first time there was a mutual attraction and I do miss that attention. I've never met such a cute scientist, thought that it only exists in reel life.

I do miss seeing E, hearing about his passion and talking together about his dreams. It was not only about sports or work, which I do hear most of the time, it was both. I've never heard of a person so bold to pursue not normal goals, but great dreams, and actually meticulously having plans for them. I've never met someone who truly appreciates knowledge and conversations, being one of great knowledge and a good conversationalist himself, yet allows me to feel comfortable in silence. I'll never really look at someone else in the same light.

What happened to all the 보고 싶어요?

나는, 너무 보고 싶어요 ... :(

5 Weeks Post-accident Updates

As the heading reads, it has been 5 weeks after I got hit and broke my clavicle. Has things changed?

Yes and no.

Yes in the way E treats me and somewhat gives me the impression that there would be bad news (unfortunately more cold, and friendzoned) and no, we are not meeting still. You might have thought you won't hurt me, but I think you did, A LOT and I can't seem to move on.

Yes in how my condition seems better and I can run (thank God I don't hurt anymore when I move) and no, the bone hasn't rejoined.

Yes in how I'm back at work and people are more used to me and no, I'm still pretty inefficient doing cases.

Yes in how I'm happy to feel slightly closer to God and doing more devotions now and no, I'm still hoping to look for a church that I feel at home in.

Yes in what I learnt about the body mechanics through reading and talking to friends such as how fractures heal, what is a pneumothorax, speech therapy and vocal cords.

Just a tip for those who injured their collarbone (mine was a comminuted fracture, which is a break into many pieces), I definitely feel a surgery would be better but unfortunately wasn't given that option. Also, exercises you can do (only) would be walking, climbing stairs (least movement to shoulder) and stationary cycling.

Well, as much as the doctor gave some good news, there was a double whammy when my ex-crush and good friend told me he's attached. Somehow this hurts more and I'm really not looking forward to this year at all :(

Oh by the way, I saw this blog about broken collarbone, would need it for future reference:
http://www.hanskellner.com/2006/04/24/chads-broken-collar-bone-report/

Korean Dramas: Reel Life and Real Life

E. recommended me to watch "Marriage, without dating" (연애 말고 결혼) when I got bored and recently, I completed another short drama series "Noble My Love" (고결한 그대). Interestingly, I enjoyed both series very much and both have similar plots - basically a marriage contract signed so that the male protagonists, who are from influential families, don't have to go on blind dates and get married at their mother's whims. While "Marriage without dating" is longer (50min for 20 episodes) and more side stories, "Noble my Love" is probably a webcast and solely fixed on the couple (15min for 20 episodes). I believe that many Korean dramas also have this storyline but surprisingly, I don't seem to tire, probably because of the actors ;)

In both dramas, Cha Yoon Seo (Kim Jae Kyung) and Joo Jang Mi (Han Groo) are female heroines - one plays a vet, another plays a salesgirl from less well-to-do families, whose bubbly personalities attracted the rich and successful bachelors who aren't interested in marriage, Lee Kang Hoon (Sung Hoon) who is a CEO and Gong Gi Tae (Yeon Woojin), a plastic surgeon. Also, both ladies actually managed to save the guy in one of the scenes - Yoon Seo stitched Kang Hoon's wound when he was kidnapped and stabbed, while Jang Mi rescued Gi Tae when he was locked in his toilet (a little less glam). Both has the marriage contract in place where the guy later falls in love with the girl and evil mothers objecting to the marriage, although " Marriage" has it worse because the drama is longer. Well, be glad to know that both ended on a happy note :)

I must say that both dramas also have not one, but TWO cute actors fighting over the girl. How lucky is that. "Marriage" has Han Yeo-reum (Jin Woon from 2AM) also chasing Jangmi while "Noble" has Sang Hyun (Park Eun Suk) chasing Yoon Seo. I do prefer Kang Hoon's demeanor (and the formal suits-style) although Gi Tae's antics and colour shirts are kinda cute. Some eye candies here:

Interestingly, these are dramas I enjoy most - happy endings that are really sweet - and I believe, most Koreans do too, given the dramas' popularity and how scriptwriters are re-using such storylines so often. Sociologically speaking, perhaps these are storylines that invoke the imaginary hopes/dreams/fairy tale-like wishes in many people. And it probably does also reflect the beliefs/cultures of the Korean society, that moms want the best for their sons but very often this does backfire. True love also triumphs over all evil moms - more so or less, the guy is still the successful one who calls the shots. Real life probably isn't like that so maybe that's why people are still suckers for fairy tale like endings.

How nice if real life can resemble a Korean drama :)
보고싶어요 :/

A month post-accident...

Yes, I'm writing again. Somehow, emotions seem to be the biggest push factor to make me want to write. And somehow, I have not many other avenues to air these emotions, or maybe it isn't the same to air it to people who may seem as clueless as you, or paint an alternative picture which you don't really fancy.

It has been almost a month (minus 3 days) since the accident and I still feel things aren't back, or even nearing normal; even though people do tell me I look perfectly normal. Still can't do much activity, still can't run/swim/bike, still can't work properly without getting tired, still feeling bloated and fat, still feeling frustrated, still feeling left out and lonely. I really do hope I don't get any depression anytime soon :(

Things have been pretty aimless and there's nothing much to look forward to - which I realised is a huge push factor to make me more efficient to do things in life. I don't survive well alone, maybe it's alright for solo trips overseas, but definitely I need people around me.

Not too sure how is the collarbone healing - there's still a gap but it's not as painful, although I do get tired easily. Looking forward to physio next week to at least give me the go-ahead to do something more active. Maybe the doctor should have operated on me :o

I do need a miracle.

The "i'm bored" post

My first post of 2016 and currently Day 10 of post-accident; really bored at home - given the great procrastinator I am, I did manage to tidy up my cupboards and desk, read and blog given the time at home.

But I really want to note down some encouragements from service yesterday; hope I won't forget them and also some thoughts after reading some articles from: www.christianitytoday.com ; which can be useful reminders for myself and future bf/husband-to-be, given that I've been feeling quite discouraged from recent issues.

3 things not to lose in the New Year ahead:
1. JOY
Joy in whatever I do,which defines us as Christians. To remember joy is God-given.
2. PASSION
Passion in service, work, goals and aims in life.Without passion, life can be a real bore.
3.COMPASSION
There's a difference between treating others with compassion and just reacting to situations. Definitely, the former is more genuine.

Secondly, because E and I have touched on this topic before and I'm not too familiar, given that it is a 'taboo' topic,I thought it was rather interesting to read about the Christian perspective(s) in case we do discuss it once again. I guess, ultimately, from what I've gathered, is that:

1. God knows our desires and longings because He creatively placed them there.
2.Still a little confused about sexual orientation vis-a-vis certain occult preachings like Jesus having a feminine side
3. Christianity shouldn't be a set of restrictions but more meant to set us free from the ways/practices/followings of the world about sexuality-meaning all the extremist, normalised socialised views the world adopts in relation to sex, the do's and don'ts. This view is rather liberating but definitely there are boundaries, as set by God in the Bible (http://www.growthtrac.com/marriage-bed/#.VolB-fl97IU), rather than Man.
(http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2015/july/staying-faithful-how-our-sex-lives-matter-to-god.html?start=2). This doesn't mean that God doesn't value virginity/chastity but we shouldn't commoditise/put a judgement to it.
4. Body and sexuality issues matter to God