Confused heart.

Shouldn't be blogging now and worst, these sort of feelings but somehow, I need an outlet too..
Spoken to some people but I still don't get an answer I'm happy with.

It's almost 3 months since my first relationship started; there were ups & downs, but I guess the honeymoon period is really over - I'm starting to feel crappy..

And also unsure about this whole thing because I don't seem to be happy. In fact, I'm more troubled now. It's ok if you're far from my ideal guy (and it does changes as I grow older) but somehow, the more you try, the more you're inching away from being one - and I can clearly see that.

The problem is, I don't wanna let go. I know it is not right to lead him on but I'm hoping things would change and maybe I will still grow to like him more. He's sweet and all but he seems to immature for me & I really feel like a psychologist. Sighs.. Well, the real problem lies where my heart is occupied with someone else.

He's totally not my ideal guy but he seems to be now.

1. Strong Christian
2. Does trains with me
3. Funny yet mature
4. Not that good-looking but not bad either
5. Communicate well
6. Stays near me
7. I just simply like spending time with him - wishing train rides were longer & all

OH DEAR. :(