Decided to jot down some of my thoughts about Ps Daniel's sermon today - doesn't sound too promising but maybe I should think about it more.
He talked about 2 Kings-Azariah, today & commented about success and prosperity. Something that caught my attention was that he said that God might not grant you success and you might have to fight all your life because He knows your character well that you can't handle success.
I thought: is that why I've never tasted success before? Because God knows that I probably can't handle it? After all, God won't burden you with something He knows you can't handle.. :O
I really don't know if its a good or bad thing but the yearning for success; over the years have made me feel upset, bitter, miserable, envious before - so how is that actually for my own good?
I have no answers but should perhaps think about it.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
The 3 awesome groups in my university life..
I just only thought of writing this after reading my friend, Jingzhi's FB note but his note was really rather inspiring in some sense, cynical, pessimistic yet optimistic at the same time. But it did say a lot, one more attaining IDOL STATUS to add to my IDOL LIST..hahahhahas
But it did make me think about the 3 most important group of people that really impacted me in NUS - and totally changed my life & taught me a lot. And I'm sure you've guessed it - the soccer girls (and to some extent the guys); the crossers and the aquathlon people. Maybe I should just go through them one at a time.
1. SOCCER GIRLS (& GUYS)
First group of people I've known in uni since I've joined it at the start of school. In TJC, I was considered pretty good in the sport but in uni, comparatively, I sucked (and I only realised in Yr 2, when all the pro-juniors came in) Ok but basically this group of girls are fun to be with, sincere and friendly. Soccer was something I liked and I was thankful for a clique of good friends like Minli, Audrey, Emily, Yiting and also thankful for making it into the squad for 2years till my stamina isn't good enough to make up for my lack of speed :(
The guys, whom I knew only much better during BIG recently (before it was only a couple like Eepin, Kristian, Sam and Shaun Teo) taught me what was FUN. They were the craziest type of sportspeople I've ever known - maybe soccer people are notorious for that; tattoos, smoking, drinking and doing the craziest, funniest, stuff but well, maybe thats why I'm attracted to them. Yet, when they played, they gave their all, I could see that - probably the baddest gang but time spent with them were certainly memorable. :)
2. CROSSERS
The group whom I know after the soccer people; made up of a bunch of talents as well - runners from secondary & junior college and some national superstars - but still thankful that I've got a good of close girlfriends - siewmin, zak, anne, meihui, tricia, caisang. And that I spent most of my 4 years here with this group of talented, fun and awesome friends. Although sometimes (mostly nowadays) I do wish that I had some real talent in running so that I will be able to do so much better because I realised that training hard, can only get you that far..and sometimes, that really makes me feel quite miserable & lousy :/ Well, I do question, so what if you did your best, there are people who didn't try hard and still win - though winning is not everything..
Maybe I'm not that happy here, after all ?
3. AQUATHLON people
I'm really thankful to know this bunch of awesome people. And actually I've got to thank Arasu for kicking me out of soccer so that I have the time and enough courage to join their trainings. Honestly, my first training with them - swim; was intimidating. I didn't really know what to expect; from myself, from trainings and the people - it was totally out of my comfort zone, since I sucked at swimming and wasn't entirely pro at running as well. Anyways, from this team, I started to know the craziest people on earth, seriously; I don't know how people can double/triple train everyday and still cope with school w/o ever seeing fatigue (not that their faces show) and juggle 3 disciplines and being good in all.
These are people who have taught me to ignore human and personal limits - and quoting JZ "overtrain for fun just to feel invincible", yet they have also shown a very human side to that; that injury was really possible. Maybe I haven't found enough time - and courage to overtrain to the point of injury (and I'm starting to believe that it would really make you improve). Maybe I will do that - someday; when I've lost the satisfaction of trying to win. I'm really humbled by their determination and motivations because most of the people from this group - unlike the first 2 - are NOT talented, at least not superbly; they just train HARD - for the adrenaline, for the joy of pain, for the happiness of completing insane distances. Honestly, I feel that perhaps, this is the group I look highly to. And something I would like to strive too..Lastly, I don't know if this is a downside or not, but they've also taught me how precious friends are, many being cyclists - I do worry A LOT for them - accidents DO happen (Justin, John, Sara, Eden...) Yet, the never-fear-never-say-die attitude can be seen throughout. I really really <3 u guys
But it did make me think about the 3 most important group of people that really impacted me in NUS - and totally changed my life & taught me a lot. And I'm sure you've guessed it - the soccer girls (and to some extent the guys); the crossers and the aquathlon people. Maybe I should just go through them one at a time.
1. SOCCER GIRLS (& GUYS)
First group of people I've known in uni since I've joined it at the start of school. In TJC, I was considered pretty good in the sport but in uni, comparatively, I sucked (and I only realised in Yr 2, when all the pro-juniors came in) Ok but basically this group of girls are fun to be with, sincere and friendly. Soccer was something I liked and I was thankful for a clique of good friends like Minli, Audrey, Emily, Yiting and also thankful for making it into the squad for 2years till my stamina isn't good enough to make up for my lack of speed :(
The guys, whom I knew only much better during BIG recently (before it was only a couple like Eepin, Kristian, Sam and Shaun Teo) taught me what was FUN. They were the craziest type of sportspeople I've ever known - maybe soccer people are notorious for that; tattoos, smoking, drinking and doing the craziest, funniest, stuff but well, maybe thats why I'm attracted to them. Yet, when they played, they gave their all, I could see that - probably the baddest gang but time spent with them were certainly memorable. :)
2. CROSSERS
The group whom I know after the soccer people; made up of a bunch of talents as well - runners from secondary & junior college and some national superstars - but still thankful that I've got a good of close girlfriends - siewmin, zak, anne, meihui, tricia, caisang. And that I spent most of my 4 years here with this group of talented, fun and awesome friends. Although sometimes (mostly nowadays) I do wish that I had some real talent in running so that I will be able to do so much better because I realised that training hard, can only get you that far..and sometimes, that really makes me feel quite miserable & lousy :/ Well, I do question, so what if you did your best, there are people who didn't try hard and still win - though winning is not everything..
Maybe I'm not that happy here, after all ?
3. AQUATHLON people
I'm really thankful to know this bunch of awesome people. And actually I've got to thank Arasu for kicking me out of soccer so that I have the time and enough courage to join their trainings. Honestly, my first training with them - swim; was intimidating. I didn't really know what to expect; from myself, from trainings and the people - it was totally out of my comfort zone, since I sucked at swimming and wasn't entirely pro at running as well. Anyways, from this team, I started to know the craziest people on earth, seriously; I don't know how people can double/triple train everyday and still cope with school w/o ever seeing fatigue (not that their faces show) and juggle 3 disciplines and being good in all.
These are people who have taught me to ignore human and personal limits - and quoting JZ "overtrain for fun just to feel invincible", yet they have also shown a very human side to that; that injury was really possible. Maybe I haven't found enough time - and courage to overtrain to the point of injury (and I'm starting to believe that it would really make you improve). Maybe I will do that - someday; when I've lost the satisfaction of trying to win. I'm really humbled by their determination and motivations because most of the people from this group - unlike the first 2 - are NOT talented, at least not superbly; they just train HARD - for the adrenaline, for the joy of pain, for the happiness of completing insane distances. Honestly, I feel that perhaps, this is the group I look highly to. And something I would like to strive too..Lastly, I don't know if this is a downside or not, but they've also taught me how precious friends are, many being cyclists - I do worry A LOT for them - accidents DO happen (Justin, John, Sara, Eden...) Yet, the never-fear-never-say-die attitude can be seen throughout. I really really <3 u guys
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Terrible Week (most likely..more to come)
Answer to my previous question:
Would a good-looking guy want to date a normal girl? Why? Is it even possible?
Totally impossibleeee....That only happens in Korean dramas.
Anyways..it was really quite a bad week for me..Late essay submission though i started early(again! :O ).. skipped trainings..those i went were bad too..sighs..FML.
SUNIG Closing..once again, it's bad to have so much expectations..maybe its the programme itself that was bad, i dunno but i didn't manage to do all that I planned/wanted to do. Though this time, it was really cool that I didn't have to hang out with one group, it was also hard to be a social butterfly! Really wanted to take photos with some people but didn't managed to & WTF, a huge pimple was on my cheek D:
Mooncake Festival at Gardens By the Bay: Didn't go. Emo-ed the whole of yesterday away cos of midterms on Mon..sighs.. I STILL DUN HAVE A CHANCE TO VISIT THAT REALLY PRETTY PLACE!!!!! CAN SOMEONE BRING ME THERE PLEASEEEEE....
Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines..When can i see the light at the end of the tunnel..The worst thing is that I feel like time is running up for me as an undergrad..there's still lotsa things I haven't done nor accomplished. Which I really feel very sad about..
Worst still, trainings are making me very discouraged because I don't see myself improving. Why don't I have some form of talent..that would make things a lot easier..
Please God give me strength (preferably some visible indication) to get through this whole thing :(
Totally impossibleeee....That only happens in Korean dramas.
Anyways..it was really quite a bad week for me..Late essay submission though i started early(again! :O ).. skipped trainings..those i went were bad too..sighs..FML.
SUNIG Closing..once again, it's bad to have so much expectations..maybe its the programme itself that was bad, i dunno but i didn't manage to do all that I planned/wanted to do. Though this time, it was really cool that I didn't have to hang out with one group, it was also hard to be a social butterfly! Really wanted to take photos with some people but didn't managed to & WTF, a huge pimple was on my cheek D:
Mooncake Festival at Gardens By the Bay: Didn't go. Emo-ed the whole of yesterday away cos of midterms on Mon..sighs.. I STILL DUN HAVE A CHANCE TO VISIT THAT REALLY PRETTY PLACE!!!!! CAN SOMEONE BRING ME THERE PLEASEEEEE....
Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines..When can i see the light at the end of the tunnel..The worst thing is that I feel like time is running up for me as an undergrad..there's still lotsa things I haven't done nor accomplished. Which I really feel very sad about..
Worst still, trainings are making me very discouraged because I don't see myself improving. Why don't I have some form of talent..that would make things a lot easier..
Please God give me strength (preferably some visible indication) to get through this whole thing :(
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Midterm Crisis :/
I'm not supposed to write this now considering I've got to submit an essay tomorrow morning and I'm not done yet!
But just a quick update for myself. Time REALLY FLIES. It's past recess week already so quickly and honestly, I'm kinda glad that for this sem, it has been quite happening (don't really know how else to describe it) for me - both in a positive & negative way.
For one, I'm not as fast as I used to be (maybe's the shoe). Sighs.
Another thing, my heart got broken like countless times. Double sighs. But in a way, it got mended as quickly as it broke. Like what the..
Deadlines are approaching..all together..
But I guess I would be looking forward to this week. Kind of. Cos of SUNIG closing ceremony. My last one. Yet, it would be the one which I have the most friends attending :D Hopefully, it would also be the most memorable one. Although I feel that I didn't contribute to the medal & probably don't deserve it (I know that everyone would say that its a team-thing & all your trainings do deserve some recognition - that would be what I choose to believe on the surface but DEEP DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART, I know that no matter how hard I train, my efforts don't really matter in reality). Oh wells.
Another thing, is the mooncake festival celebrations at Gardens By the Bay..Gosh I really love that place. NEXT SATURDAY :))))
Just a thought to myself, something to rethink about in time to come:
Would a good-looking guy want to date a normal girl? Why? Is it even possible?
But just a quick update for myself. Time REALLY FLIES. It's past recess week already so quickly and honestly, I'm kinda glad that for this sem, it has been quite happening (don't really know how else to describe it) for me - both in a positive & negative way.
For one, I'm not as fast as I used to be (maybe's the shoe). Sighs.
Another thing, my heart got broken like countless times. Double sighs. But in a way, it got mended as quickly as it broke. Like what the..
Deadlines are approaching..all together..
But I guess I would be looking forward to this week. Kind of. Cos of SUNIG closing ceremony. My last one. Yet, it would be the one which I have the most friends attending :D Hopefully, it would also be the most memorable one. Although I feel that I didn't contribute to the medal & probably don't deserve it (I know that everyone would say that its a team-thing & all your trainings do deserve some recognition - that would be what I choose to believe on the surface but DEEP DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART, I know that no matter how hard I train, my efforts don't really matter in reality). Oh wells.
Another thing, is the mooncake festival celebrations at Gardens By the Bay..Gosh I really love that place. NEXT SATURDAY :))))
Just a thought to myself, something to rethink about in time to come:
Would a good-looking guy want to date a normal girl? Why? Is it even possible?
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
A part of my heart, a part of TEAM NUS ..4 years of SUNIG memories :)
"Just do my best because this is my first SUNIG for Aquathlon.."
which was I was thinking when someone asked me what were my expectations for the race. And then, it hit me; that it was going to be my first, yet my last SUNIG for not only Aquathlon, but also, for Cross-country; most importantly, for NUS. Which also prompted me to write this reflection, not only for myself; but also for my teammates and friends, current and future, to encourage them to train hard and fight to make it into the team to represent the school.
I was never from a sports background in secondary school unlike some of my friends; and was only in an average sports team in JC because soccer was not an area my JC particularly paid attention to. I joined because it was fun and I could do with losing some weight, made good friends and had some fun experiences playing in the A'divisions, but it was only when I entered NUS and joined the NUS Soccer team that I learnt about the satisfaction of playing competitively, and what more, for an institution that really places pride on sports team identity.
Soon after I joined Soccer, I thought that perhaps running would be able to make me fitter in games, so I decided to try out the Cross Country team. With the soccer girls and Coach Arasu, I really had opportunities to play with many different teams and I would never forget the fun times we had in KL and Shah Alam. And definitely, the many trainings for SUNIG and Invitationals; all the goals to beat NTU, for whatever shortcomings I had, I was motivated to work hard to improve myself so as to better contribute to the team. Although I didn't make it into the team in Yr 3, I really want to thank all you girls for the awesome experiences I had - MIN LI (really enjoyed all the HTHT sessions ;) ), Jiayu (always disturb me, but I forgive u!), Yi Ting (the forever solid keeper), Kat, Azlin (thanks for always being so encouraging), Tixi (thanks for being my TH roomie!!), Pei Qi, Yan Bing, Sher, Audrey & Emily (Kpop buddies!), Pam, PRIS (my soci buddy :) ), Sarah Ng, Wen Ting, Yun Xiu, Ulrica, Angie, Sooks, Huixin, Jes, Jaslyn, Khai, Isty, Yin Hong, Candy...
Now, for Cross-country, which I only started at the end of Yr 1, it was another whole-new experience for me, who was never in competitive running. Learnt to like intervals (especially doing and complaining with Cai Sang ;) ) and also learnt that running was NOT only about running. Also had a chance to compete in my first overseas competition recently in Jarkarta BIG 2012 - which was really an awesome experience with all the friends I've made & a dream come true when I achieved a podium-finish. Made it into the SUNIG team in Yr 2 & 3, whereby we did really well in, and this sunday, I would be racing in my final SUNIG as vice captain, hopefully everything goes well... But what's also important is the friends I've made in the running circle because of cross, got to meet some of the superstars - Ruiyong, Huaqun, Renuka (i mean in a positive way!), Xinqi, who taught me that running was not only about talent and passion, sacrifices had to be made to be able to do really well. Yes, achieving a podium-finish may look easy, but I doubt anyone would know the number of hours and discipline put into perfecting the running style, improving the splits by seconds... And also the close friends that I would say, played a huge role in my uni social life - Siew Min, Anne, Zak, Tricia, Emain, Cai Sang, ShanQi, MEI HUI; I'm really missing the times we had together :)
Lastly, for Aquathlon, which I started only sometime last year, when I thought that I should fill in the void which soccer trainings used to occupy & also to improve my swim. Honestly, I've always thought that the Aquathlon team was really scary, seeing people training up to 3 times a day, and still doing well in every other thing. After spending almost a year with the team, I still think that its sick to train 2-3 times a day, 7days a week; but the team is not full of scary people, but friends who trained hard to push their limits and still knew how to have fun :) Besides just training, I also learnt how important team support was for the overall morale and performance of the team, which I had experienced in my first Aquathlon SUNIG at ECP (& sadly also my last :((( ). I really wish that I am able to contribute more to help the girls get back our gold next year SUNIG but the only thing I can offer is my continual presence at trainings to motivate and help the rest :) But I would really like to thank COACH DAVID for being such a motivating and supportive coach (taking photos during our race, offering words of encouragements during the trainings & races) & also the seniors, who constantly return to offer advice, motivation, support & your undying passion for the sport (Lemin, Jon Ma, Christine, Dex, Darren, JJ, Kevin, Yingliang, Gen, Jason) - I think the team really really appreciates you guys! Thanks also to my fellow Lane 9-ers (sorry coach, it really exists!): Debbie, William, ChunHui, John, Mathias, Nazri, Charis, Ken, Subra; let's use this "lane-identity" to spur each other on for training attendance & best-improvements (which I already see in like all of you..hahhahas).
This note might be really long but it really expresses my heartfelt thanks to all mentioned & the teams :)
Give your all, not for yourself but for all those around you.
which was I was thinking when someone asked me what were my expectations for the race. And then, it hit me; that it was going to be my first, yet my last SUNIG for not only Aquathlon, but also, for Cross-country; most importantly, for NUS. Which also prompted me to write this reflection, not only for myself; but also for my teammates and friends, current and future, to encourage them to train hard and fight to make it into the team to represent the school.
I was never from a sports background in secondary school unlike some of my friends; and was only in an average sports team in JC because soccer was not an area my JC particularly paid attention to. I joined because it was fun and I could do with losing some weight, made good friends and had some fun experiences playing in the A'divisions, but it was only when I entered NUS and joined the NUS Soccer team that I learnt about the satisfaction of playing competitively, and what more, for an institution that really places pride on sports team identity.
Soon after I joined Soccer, I thought that perhaps running would be able to make me fitter in games, so I decided to try out the Cross Country team. With the soccer girls and Coach Arasu, I really had opportunities to play with many different teams and I would never forget the fun times we had in KL and Shah Alam. And definitely, the many trainings for SUNIG and Invitationals; all the goals to beat NTU, for whatever shortcomings I had, I was motivated to work hard to improve myself so as to better contribute to the team. Although I didn't make it into the team in Yr 3, I really want to thank all you girls for the awesome experiences I had - MIN LI (really enjoyed all the HTHT sessions ;) ), Jiayu (always disturb me, but I forgive u!), Yi Ting (the forever solid keeper), Kat, Azlin (thanks for always being so encouraging), Tixi (thanks for being my TH roomie!!), Pei Qi, Yan Bing, Sher, Audrey & Emily (Kpop buddies!), Pam, PRIS (my soci buddy :) ), Sarah Ng, Wen Ting, Yun Xiu, Ulrica, Angie, Sooks, Huixin, Jes, Jaslyn, Khai, Isty, Yin Hong, Candy...
Now, for Cross-country, which I only started at the end of Yr 1, it was another whole-new experience for me, who was never in competitive running. Learnt to like intervals (especially doing and complaining with Cai Sang ;) ) and also learnt that running was NOT only about running. Also had a chance to compete in my first overseas competition recently in Jarkarta BIG 2012 - which was really an awesome experience with all the friends I've made & a dream come true when I achieved a podium-finish. Made it into the SUNIG team in Yr 2 & 3, whereby we did really well in, and this sunday, I would be racing in my final SUNIG as vice captain, hopefully everything goes well... But what's also important is the friends I've made in the running circle because of cross, got to meet some of the superstars - Ruiyong, Huaqun, Renuka (i mean in a positive way!), Xinqi, who taught me that running was not only about talent and passion, sacrifices had to be made to be able to do really well. Yes, achieving a podium-finish may look easy, but I doubt anyone would know the number of hours and discipline put into perfecting the running style, improving the splits by seconds... And also the close friends that I would say, played a huge role in my uni social life - Siew Min, Anne, Zak, Tricia, Emain, Cai Sang, ShanQi, MEI HUI; I'm really missing the times we had together :)
Lastly, for Aquathlon, which I started only sometime last year, when I thought that I should fill in the void which soccer trainings used to occupy & also to improve my swim. Honestly, I've always thought that the Aquathlon team was really scary, seeing people training up to 3 times a day, and still doing well in every other thing. After spending almost a year with the team, I still think that its sick to train 2-3 times a day, 7days a week; but the team is not full of scary people, but friends who trained hard to push their limits and still knew how to have fun :) Besides just training, I also learnt how important team support was for the overall morale and performance of the team, which I had experienced in my first Aquathlon SUNIG at ECP (& sadly also my last :((( ). I really wish that I am able to contribute more to help the girls get back our gold next year SUNIG but the only thing I can offer is my continual presence at trainings to motivate and help the rest :) But I would really like to thank COACH DAVID for being such a motivating and supportive coach (taking photos during our race, offering words of encouragements during the trainings & races) & also the seniors, who constantly return to offer advice, motivation, support & your undying passion for the sport (Lemin, Jon Ma, Christine, Dex, Darren, JJ, Kevin, Yingliang, Gen, Jason) - I think the team really really appreciates you guys! Thanks also to my fellow Lane 9-ers (sorry coach, it really exists!): Debbie, William, ChunHui, John, Mathias, Nazri, Charis, Ken, Subra; let's use this "lane-identity" to spur each other on for training attendance & best-improvements (which I already see in like all of you..hahhahas).
This note might be really long but it really expresses my heartfelt thanks to all mentioned & the teams :)
Give your all, not for yourself but for all those around you.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
4 weeks into the sem & counting...
Perhaps just a short update this time with nothing much exciting to report for now..
4 weeks into the school semester and it feels like Week 8..don't know if its a good thing. Kinda sad that nothing much has happened.
Well, Grandma passed away recently, 1 Sept 2012. The thing is that I'm more guilty than sad because since I don't stay with her, I'm not that close compared to Mama. Seems like most of the stuff is duty-bound. But then again, I'm at peace that at least her sufferings are gone & she's alright in Heaven.
SUNIG season's here! Rather exciting period I must say. Although I got into the team for Aquathlon & Cross Country, I don't think I can contribute to the medal tally like Clara & Adriel does :( That makes me feel kinda useless; unlike being in the Soccer team, where as long as you play, you're doing something (unless you don't, thats the other issue). Quite excited to watch soccer too! Hopefully they'll do well & not walk away empty-handed too..
Playing IFG Soccer for the last time this Sat, 8 Sept. Hope it'll be a good game.
Got 2nd for RUN NUS (with Clara coming in first). It was a tough course but I was nowhere near Clara at all. Makes me feel like I'm quite lousy. When I was like dying at the last part, Clara still has bountiful energy to do strengthening exercises after the run. WTF. Am I old or because I don't have her talent :(
4 weeks into the school semester and it feels like Week 8..don't know if its a good thing. Kinda sad that nothing much has happened.
Well, Grandma passed away recently, 1 Sept 2012. The thing is that I'm more guilty than sad because since I don't stay with her, I'm not that close compared to Mama. Seems like most of the stuff is duty-bound. But then again, I'm at peace that at least her sufferings are gone & she's alright in Heaven.
SUNIG season's here! Rather exciting period I must say. Although I got into the team for Aquathlon & Cross Country, I don't think I can contribute to the medal tally like Clara & Adriel does :( That makes me feel kinda useless; unlike being in the Soccer team, where as long as you play, you're doing something (unless you don't, thats the other issue). Quite excited to watch soccer too! Hopefully they'll do well & not walk away empty-handed too..
Playing IFG Soccer for the last time this Sat, 8 Sept. Hope it'll be a good game.
Got 2nd for RUN NUS (with Clara coming in first). It was a tough course but I was nowhere near Clara at all. Makes me feel like I'm quite lousy. When I was like dying at the last part, Clara still has bountiful energy to do strengthening exercises after the run. WTF. Am I old or because I don't have her talent :(
Monday, 13 August 2012
Start of Final Year in NUS - 2012 Aug
I never thought that I'll lose my zest for school & become like the other year 4 seniors in the past who shared that they were kinda jaded with school life..On the other hand, I don't want school to end & don't want to go out to work :( What can I do?
Anyways this sem for me would consist of the following goals:
1) Do well in all my mods (no more Daniel Goh, hopefully I would do better!)
2) Get into SUNIG for cross & aquathlon & do well in both competitions
3) Try to get the hang of enjoying church more
4) Cross my fingers, hope God would bring me someone..hate to get my heart broken again (occured like 4 times last sem???)
5) Enjoy my 4th year
6) Lose some weight
Thats all..not a lot but hard to achieve..
Wishing myself a good 2 sems ahead.. *think positive*
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