Travelling Solo..

I know its the exams period but now I'm back into the Taiwan pop scene because I fell in love with Rainie & Xiaozhu's newest collabo 再一次心跳; a promo video, if I'm not wrong for Tasmania (heart of the world - 世界的心脏）Great way to attract the Asian market actually and playing on the storyline to get people there. Ok I admit I fell in love with the actors/storyline more than the place but anyways, it's a good ploy :)

Travelling solo to an exotic place, meeting some mysterious stranger, falling in love...Sounds too common & clique but perhaps this idea has captivated me in such a way that perhaps thats why I love to travel. Travelling alone might be kind of lonely at times because there's no one to share that perfect breathtaking moment you find so hard to put in words to describe but it does allow you to selfishly take in all that beautiful experiences of being in a foreign country on your own and capture every sight, sound and vibe. Sounds really ironic but thats the beauty of travelling solo.

As for meeting that mysterious stranger that just grabs your attention (and your heart, too), did in a way experienced it once before, but I guess being together does not seem very possible. Like a short trip, thats how long it will last and its probably because of the travel as a liminal period (sociological perspective) where it kind of authorises people to go beyond their boundaries. Well, as an idealist, I do still hold on to the view that it might just happen..

Fallling in love... That memory was bittersweet but painful as well. Perhaps I hated myself for not cherishing that moment more and holding tight to it; if I could turn back time, I would. Perhaps I didn't make that big an impression, that's why the next morning, after a week, things changed..Sighs

So where do I go from now? Where should I go?

And, should one travel to seek love or seek love in travelling for its own sake? Its hard to separate the two...

Reading Week Bores..

Second day of reading week..

Got back some of my essays and all but somehow I didn't do as well as I hoped and expected despite more effort put in :((

Sighhs..have to work harder for finals then.. Dec 3-6.. a whole mad rush

3 days later on the 9th, I'm flying to China for Winter Programme. Will be missing Gerald's wedding and all the training sessions with the aquathlon (ESPECIALLY) & cross team & also all the ihgs. So yea, its really a mix of feelings.

I am sooooo bored..used to study with all the cross girls - anne, tricia, siew, zak, caisang; sometimes justin but now, tricia finished her papers & I don't see zak & caisang :/ miss the first year where we studied overnight as MRB with patrick, ben, ee ghim..studying's only fun if u do so with people..and it makes it a little less painful & boring. and also last sem with william, chun meng & kristian..

I don't seem to have any one now..bleahs..

I'll be glad if there's someone who can make me laugh amidst this terribly boring period..

Week 12

2 more weeks before the end of school .. don't know whether to be happy or not :O

2 more essays & 1 more presentation to go this week...argh.. somehow this sem's assessments have made me change my mind that I'd rather exams than any more essays..bleahs #essayoverload

Thank goodness the weather's good so far cos I'm really spending every night here at UTOWN. Need some MOTIVATION...

Anyways two events this week that will later update about:

1) Team NUS Awards Presentation
2) NUS Aquathlon Supersprint

Other interesting news:
1) Staying in Eusoff next sem
2) Going for Wuhan Winter Programme

Stay tuned!

Week 10 & counting to the end + Taylor Swift

Moving to the end of Week 10 and 3 more essays plus 1 more presentation to go before the exams..

In a way time moves sooo fast, sometimes you want it to but sometimes you'll wish it would just slow down.

Supposed to work on my essay now (yes on a public holiday I'm in school alone..thank God for the nice drizzle, hopefully it won't get too stuffy later) but I thought I should just pen down some random thoughts.

Today, we had training in the morning at 8am >.< freaking HOT so I didn't exactly do a proper workout I guess..but with an essay in mind, its never easy to do a mentally challenging set! Ok, I didn't know whether a bad dream was that bad to wake me up in time for training but I did not like that dream at all :((( a dream of betrayal & heartache..no wonder I woke up :/ After training, Ryan suggested we go have brunch together; then we decided to have ice cream at Mr Bean. Goshhh..I feel so slack, wasting so much time and eating some not-very-healthy stuff too..don't know if its worth it for that amount of moments spent. Sometimes, I think that I'm soooo stupid, always never learning from all the past experiences that failed (5 to be exact). Its hard to stop being so calculative honestly speaking but I think it might just make a difference - case to make - I actually took off my watch to run today for 2 sets, and it did not feel that bad at all!

Next thing, I'm sooo not looking forward to after next week - after John's Powerman; gonna miss training with him and all the trips home on Wed/Thur for a while. Ok not a while but a longggg time :(( hope he'll be back before I leave for China..sighh..I'm so used to not being aloneeee in travelling..

Thirdly, I'm not a sucker for English pop songs but really, some are really great..have been listening to some Maroon5, Usher's Numb, some clubbing songs (something which I've missed!) and Taylor Swift!!

(Picture from Wiki)

Seriously, her songs echo certain thoughts in my mind..Sums up her new album:

"All the different emotions that are written about on this album are all pretty much about the kind of tumultuous, crazy, insane, intense, semi-toxic relationships that I’ve experienced in the last two years. All those emotions — spanning from intense love, intense frustration, jealousy, confusion, all of that — in my mind, all those emotions are red."

The songs do really bring out such emotions in me as well. Really nice to listen to especially on some emo-nights alone..

MIND OVER BODY..NOT THAT EASY.

I'm writing once again.

Sorry that the posts seem all really depressing but this is really a period in which I see myself struggling with myself.

The only enemy is YOURSELF. Sounds cliche but very much true. This is a really painful and weary battle that I know I really can't fight alone because I have NO IDEA how to deal with myself.

Sighs.

My stupid competitive nature stands in contrast with the give-up cowardly attitude within myself & these two controversial sides had came into conflict so many times, especially this semester. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.. :(

On one hand, I am really pissed with myself for losing out to so many people in today's beep test & the past few races I've been doing. On the other hand, in the midst of it, I seem to hold this defeatist attitude that just say "give up, you won't be able to catch up very much"


A solution please! D:

Below Expectations...

Recently, I've been trying to keep up with trainings; increasing my intensity to 7 times a week, ignoring Mr Quek's motto of not overtraining in order to test my limits - motivated by the aquathlon people's practice of training for more than 7 sessions a week. I don't really know if my body can take or not but for now, I think its taking a toll on my speed - so I really don't know what should I exactly do. Should I just press on or not? By not racing well in today's NIKE race (first time I'm slower than Meihui & Tiff), unlike previous few NIKE races, as well as yesterday's Geylang Serai 4.3k (ONLY) it is really affected my confidence level in racing :(  Plus Meihui & Bee were like running at 42min+ when I was only doing a 46min?!?!

Am I really burning out? Or I just did not push hard enough during trainings and hence my lousy timings?? Next year; I really have to aim to do much better and fight back my top5.

To keep in mind John's words "We learn from our worst races, not the ones we win"

Wise words from my go-home buddy which really makes a lot of sense. I'm really thankful for him..always listening to my complaints and all, encouraging me & making me feel a lot better about myself :)

Maybe it would be good to set a simple off season goal for myself:

Swim 10k + Run 30k per week.

Quick Thoughts about Sermon

Decided to jot down some of my thoughts about Ps Daniel's sermon today - doesn't sound too promising but maybe I should think about it more.

He talked about 2 Kings-Azariah, today & commented about success and prosperity. Something that caught my attention was that he said that God might not grant you success and you might have to fight all your life because He knows your character well that you can't handle success.

I thought: is that why I've never tasted success before? Because God knows that I probably can't handle it? After all, God won't burden you with something He knows you can't handle.. :O

I really don't know if its a good or bad thing but the yearning for success; over the years have made me feel upset, bitter, miserable, envious before - so how is that actually for my own good?

I have no answers but should perhaps think about it.